Naked
by Lucy Maria Elmer
Summary: Things between John and Monica get even more complicated after an undercover operation.
1. Chapter 1

Monica Reyes sat in the basement office of the FBI Headquarters, the home of The X-Files, her head resting on her arms and her eyes closed. It had been a long few weeks for herself and partner John Doggett and anyone else involved in the case of ritualistic killings they had been investigating for the past three weeks. Both she and her partner had been placed undercover in a small town where cult behaviour was suspected. They had been posing as a married couple, and both had seen horrific scenes unfold in front of them as individuals claimed possession by a demon spirit preying on the life of innocents. Sacrificing their own loved ones in order to obtain eternal life.

After investigating further it was discovered that a collection of the older town residents, motivated by their own sadistic and terrifying interest in death and the procuring of eternal life, had been drugging villagers. These drugs had been prompting hallucinations forcing them to kill. While many details of activities in that town remained unclear, and while the people responsible had been put away for what all agents involved hoped was a very long time, memories were still clear and grotesque in the agents' heads. Memories of children sacrificed by their loved ones under the influence of the powerful hallucinogenic drugs administered by those same ringleaders who were now locked away from the world. Memories of how one of their own had been ready to sacrifice Agent Reyes while under the influence of the same drugs as the townspeople, Agent John Doggett laying wounded at her side and pleading for his own life to be taken instead of hers, him rather dying himself than losing her and having to carry on with his life without her.

Reyes sighed, brushing her dark hair out of her brown eyes.

As Doggett pleaded for her life FBI agents had surrounded the area and proceeded to arrest those responsible and search for the source of the drugs, which had been destroying so many lives. Doggett had been taken to hospital suffering a stab wound to the upper arm and a minor head injury. Those responsible meanwhile had been taken to prison, and since the arrests life in the town had gotten back to normal. For herself and Doggett though she wondered if life ever was going to be normal again. Posing as a married couple, while being strange and challenging for both of them, hadn't been as hard or outrageous as they first assumed.

The pair of them had shared a bond ever since she had worked on the case involving the death of Doggett's son Luke, an intense bond which at times threatened to develop into something so much more than the close friendship they shared. If she was honest she loved that man and if he was honest and listened to his heart rather than running away he loved her too and with the whole depth of his soul. Being in that situation, and being around him so much had confirmed it even more with her as it had with him, though neither were ready to admit it. It was almost a shame the time was over and everything was back as normal as it could be.

Rubbing her tired eyes Reyes leaned back in the chair, glancing round as the door opened behind her. She smiled softly as her partner entered his eyes tired and his arm in a sling.

"Skinner says it's okay for us to go. I handed the report in and he says it's fine. The unexplainable is just gonna have to stay unexplained for a little while longer."

Monica nodded.

"How's the arm?" She asked him quietly getting up out of the chair and walking over to her partner's side, and touching his injured arm tenderly as if hoping she could heal it with just her thoughts.

"Fine. A little sore. How you doin'?" He asked her softly, looking deep into her brown eyes with his intense blue ones prompting her to look at the floor.

"I'm okay. I'll be better when I get home. I take it you want a lift?" She then commented glancing at his arm and clearing her throat.

"You offerin'?" He asked her smiling.

"Yeah. I don't want to be responsible for you driving your truck into a ditch or something because you can't use both your arms. What kind of person would that make me?" She joked.

Doggett walked over to his desk and picked up his jacket, trying to pull it on with his one working arm. In his frustration he threw it back down on the desk angrily.

"Let me help you with that." Reyes told him gently, walking to his side and helping him slide his good arm into his jacket and pulling the other side over his shoulder. For a moment they stood there looking into each other's eyes, unmoving.

"Thank you." He told her gruffly as if unable to catch his breath, taking in every detail of the face in front of him.

Monica looked at the floor.

"Come on we better get going cos soon I'm not gonna be able to see straight I'm so tired." She told him yawning.

John picked up her jacket and handed it to her.

"You sure you're okay?" He asked her softly tilting her chin up with his good hand so she was looking right at him.

"John don't freak out, I'm fine...I'm just..."

"What Mon?" He asked her sitting down on his desk looking at her.

"It's just hard getting back to this after...some of those things we saw John...those little kids... everything, it just...I don't know how to digest it you know?"

"I know what you mean. Sure wasn't my idea of a good vacation." He joked, then clearing his throat and looking at the floor feeling uncomfortable when she didn't even crack a grin. "It did have its good points though." He said softly looking at her, and then quickly looking away as if

scared she would catch on to what he meant.

He was the kind of man who while being emotional was scared to show them, though he knew she could always sense exactly how he felt and he hoped those roles were reversed. He was so worried that she would see that what got him through all those horrific events, and all those others that he had encountered in his life, was that he had gotten to spend those hard days and nights with the one woman who he couldn't imagine not having in his life. One whose inner beauty and outer enchanted him so much that every time he saw her his breath caught in his throat in wonderment. A woman whose little quirks and mannerisms never ceased to bring new amazement every day about how he'd come to deserve someone with such a beautiful and warm soul in his sometimes dark and lonely life.

Monica smiled sensing within him exactly what he was trying to say but couldn't bring himself to; a habit she had grown accustomed to having him as a partner.

"Yeah it did." She agreed getting up and offering a hand to her partner. "C'mon." She told him pulling him up by his good arm and giving his hand a gentle squeeze before making their way through the many halls of the headquarters to the SUV that would take them home.


	2. Chapter 2

John Doggett and Monica Reyes sat in her SUV outside his house, encompassed in an uncomfortable silence. It was a cold evening, the wind was blowing a gale outside, picking the leaves up and tossing them around and dark clouds covered a star filled sky.

"You sure you're okay?" John asked her touching her arm softly which still clung onto the steering wheel, making her jump. "Sorry." He apologised.

She looked at him, her eyes piercing his own.

"Since when did this get uncomfortable?" She asked him frowning slightly, stroking her dark hair from in front of her eyes and looking at him puzzled.

"Well we have been together in that town for three weeks Mon, It's gonna be weird bein' apart and sayin' bye." He told her.

She nodded in agreement.

"You ah...wanna come inside...have a beer or somethin'?" He asked her taking a deep breath then fiddling with his sling.

She turned and looked at him in shock and then smiled.

He looked up at her, her smile infectious.

"What?" He asked in false exasperation.

"Like you said we've been together for three weeks John, it isn't gonna get any easier saying goodbye tonight if you ask me inside."

"I guess not." He commented looking slightly hurt.

"It doesn't mean I don't want to." She told him softly. "We've just been so used to spending every hour of the day together that if I came inside it'd be like we were back in that town and I dunno if I'd be able to force myself to leave. It'll probably be easier if I just go now, at least until we get used to the way things were before." She told him screaming inside that maybe she didn't want to go back to that, unknowing of the fact he felt the same.

"I guess it makes sense." He commented. "Don't mean it's gonna be any easier though."

"No it doesn't." She replied quietly unable to look at him.

"Guess this is goodnight then." He told her softly.

"Uh huh." She replied looking at him, his blue eyes shining even in the darkness of the SUV.

She moved closer to him as if to kiss him but then thought twice and moved quickly back.

He opened his mouth to question her but she put a gentle finger on his lips.

"Goodnight John." She told him sighing softly.

He cleared his throat.

"Night Mon. Sweet dreams." He whispered opening the car door and getting out. He looked around at the night's sky, the door open in his hands and then at his lonely house. Thinking of her presence in his life for the past three weeks he put his head back inside the car where she sat there looking at him expectantly to see what he would say. Even with her face half covered in shadow she was still incredibly beautiful. Still unable to find any words he smiled and then closed the door, watching her give a little wave before driving off.

He kicked the pavement in frustration as he watched her turn the corner, then silently made his way to the front door. It had been weeks since he had been home and weeks since he'd been anywhere alone. He was so used to having Monica at his side chatting to him, singing quietly to herself...always finding the funny side of situations that had him cursing at the top of his voice that without her it felt like there was a hole that needed to be filled up.

Fumbling with his front door keys, the fact that he only had use of one arm due to the injury he had recently sustained threatening to make him lose any patience he had, he opened the door to his home. Rain began to fall in torrents outside, quickly soaking him to the skin. Shutting the door quickly behind him he threw his keys on the table and the bag of his belongings onto the floor and looked around the place.

"What a damn mess." He mumbled the packing he had done for their recent case having been done so quickly that most of his belongings had ended up on the floor. He attempted to pick everything up, to at least stop himself from falling over and causing himself more injury but in the end he gave up. Instead he walked over to the refrigerator, grabbed a bottle of beer and sat down.

The past few weeks really had been a learning curve for him. He had learnt so much just by having Monica at his side as much as he had. Being around her so much had made him more aware of just how unique she was and aware of all of the little quirks and personality traits she had that had charmed him ever since he had met her. He had enjoyed spending time with her. He had enjoyed being around her twenty four seven. Just having her at his side made him feel better about the situation they were in, her serene and calming personality lightening his own mood whenever he threatened to break.

He remembered how they'd sit up well into the early hours of the morning just talking, sometimes even saying nothing, just enjoying the other's silent companionship and the knowledge that one of them was always there for the other when they needed it. He remembered how some nights even when they'd been up until the early hours talking and then tried to get a few hours sleep, either he or she would end up in the other's room and their conversation would carry on until tiredness overcame them and they drifted off into sweet dreams side by side.

He remembered the way she had with the children in the town. How she'd play with them, dance with them, tell them stories and make them laugh, something she did so easily, brightening the moods of all those around her. He remembered the way she'd eat ice cream in the bath while he sat watching sport when there was no work to be done. Monica was an exceptional woman. That was something that he had always known, but those few weeks had proven it even more to him.

She was the one who'd realised what was going on in that town, she was the one who saved his life when their drugged colleague decided rather than sacrifice her they would listen to his pleading to save her and take his life instead. She was so brave, so intelligent with a lot more courage than he had ever given her credit for. She was just beautiful and now not having her there at his side as he had done for those few weeks he had never felt so alone and had never missed seeing that smile as much.  
Sure when she was in the coma after the car accident, or any other time she was hurt his heart felt like it was broken into a million pieces when he considered the thought that he may not see that smile again. Now though, even though her life wasn't in any danger...now he found himself feeling so lonely that it hurt a lot more to be apart from her than he imagined. It felt so quiet and he just felt lost.

The silence was heavy around him until he couldn't bear it anymore. Pulling himself tiredly up out of the chair he walked over to his stereo and fiddled with the tuner on his radio until the words of a familiar song drifted through the room. Immediately a smile came to his face as he realised where he had heard it before.

As the words washed over him a vision of his partner came into his head from the case they had been on, one that immediately warmed his heart and brought a smile to his face as he remembered it. It had been one of the hottest days of the summer so far when they were in that town. He had been using the grill outside, the kids from the town all sitting on the sidewalk outside the house he and Monica had been given for the case talking to him as he cooked. Monica had gone inside to get some beers and Pepsi for the kids and when she hadn't come out he had gone in looking for her becoming worried. Music drifted through the house like the gentle breeze outside and when he followed the sound he found himself standing in the doorway of the lounge, his partner totally unaware of his presence dancing to the song happily. She had looked so sweet and innocent, so happy that he just stood there watching, taking every moment and every facial expression in. A smile crossed his lips as he stood there mesmerised by her movement, her own happiness infectious, his stomach filling with butterflies that only she could give him.

Hearing footsteps John turned around to see one of the older kids standing at his side, his mouth open at the sight of the beautiful brunette dancing in the lounge still unaware of their presence.

"Take your jaw off the floor son." Doggett told the boy who immediately shut his mouth.

"Just wondering where you got to man." The boy replied still watching Monica.

"If you're here who's watching the grill?" Doggett then asked.

The boy shrugged.

"You got lucky there man. She's a stunner." The boy told Doggett.

"You think I don't know that? " He replied quietly. "Come on." He told the boy leading him outside, though not before turning back to his partner and watching her once again, a smile crossing his lips. He knew how lucky he was. There wasn't a day that passed where he didn't.

As the song ended the sense of loneliness that surrounded him grew. Slamming the bottle down on the table he rubbed his eyes and then rested his head in his hands. He really was lost without her.


	3. Chapter 3

Monica Reyes drove carefully towards home as the wind blew outside and rain had started to fall. The radio played quietly in the background as she drove, memories of the awkward goodbye with her partner replaying in her head over and over, the ache in her heart that being apart from him caused strong.

As she drove she listened to the song playing in the SUV, one that she remembered hearing on the radio when they were on their most recent case. She remembered dancing to it in the lounge on one incredibly hot day, and remembered John standing there watching her though he didn't know she had seen him there. His face when he was watching was something she'd never forget, on it she saw pure need and want, his eyes sparkling blue as he saw her so happy. She had felt his eyes on her, watching every movement, and she had continued dancing for him liking the fact he found her so pleasing.

As the song ended and another came on she shook her head as if to clear her thoughts, but once again as new words filled the car another image of her partner came into her head. When they were on that case they had spent the most time together that they ever had, had seen more of each other's characters than they had ever witnessed before and she had liked that. Something had changed, their relationship had changed and become more complicated and it couldn't be denied.

As she listened to the lyrics she remembered that same hot day after John had gone back outside to check on the grill. Shouts had been coming from the garden and when she had rushed into the doorway to see what was going on she had seen John and the kids having a huge water fight in the front yard. He was soaked, his white T-shirt clinging to his muscle bound body, the kids having sprayed him with water guns as he went after them with the hose pipe. She had never seen him laugh so hard as she had done as they all sprayed each other with water, John falling onto the ground as several of the younger children, both girls and boys piled on top of him tickling him. She could imagine him doing just this with his son Luke before he was cruelly taken away from John, something he had never gotten over in all the time that she had known him. He was a tough man, but when it came to kids there was a whole other side of him, a paternal side which appeared as his beloved son was born and had remained ever since. If he ever had any more kids he'd be a great father, there wasn't any doubt, especially watching him as she was now.

As more and more children piled on top of him Monica walked over to the group, smiling at seeing him so happy.

"What are you doing to my poor husband?" She asked standing over them, the children looking up at her with sweet innocent faces.

John looked at her shocked them remembered they were undercover as husband and wife. He smiled.

"We having a water fight." One of the blue eyed little girls replied.

"He started it." Another one joined in pointing at John who grinned.

"Did he now?" Monica replied crossing her arms in mock exasperation. "What do you guy's think I should do about it?" She asked them, the children giggling.

"Soak him." They all shouted in chorus.

Monica picked up a super soaker that was lying on the ground and pumped it up.

"You think I should?" She asked, smiling angelically at John who was grinning at her.

"Uh huh." The kids replied.

"I am totally innocent here." John told them all.

"Really Mr Doggett?" She replied walking up to him and looking down at him, her brown eyes sparkling.

"No he's not." One of the older kids shouted from the sidewalk.

"You hear that? I think you've been found guilty." She told him squirting him in the chest.

The children giggled.

"You shouldn't have done that Mon." he told her half laughing.

"And why not?" She asked him.

John reached for the hosepipe that lay abandoned at his side, the kids getting off him as he sat up. Then as Monica ran across the lawn he followed her spraying her with the hose as the kids cheered and followed, all picking up their water guns and joining in.

Monica screamed as the cold spray hit her, then spraying John until the water had all gone out of the gun. Then she put her hands up and surrendered, falling onto the soft grass laughing and laying on her back looking up at the blue sky. John tired out fell to the ground beside her, the fact that her clothes were sticking to the perfect curves of her body not lost on him.

"Looking a bit wet there." Monica commented looking at John bursting into a fit of giggles.

"Looking a bit wet yourself." He replied smiling then looking at the sky.

"It's a beautiful day huh." Monica commented looking at the sky, then at the children having their own water fight on the lawn, and then at him beside her.

"It really is." He commented looking at the kids and then at her knowing just what she meant.

Monica was shaken out of the memory by a rattling sound coming from somewhere at the front of her SUV. Pulling over she looked under the seats, the source of the sound somewhere in that area. As she felt around trying to find whatever it was, her hands fell upon a small object. Picking it up and holding it up to the light she realised it was a bottle of painkillers belonging to her partner. Reading the label she realised he was going to need them and so sighing put them into her purse and turned her SUV around to go back to his house. They'd already had an awkward goodbye and she didn't know if she could handle another one.

Just a few minutes later she once again found herself parked outside his house. He was still up, she could tell by the lights on in his living room and the sound of music drifting through an open window. She slowly opened the car door, the bottle of pills in her hand and for a moment just stood there as if willing herself to gain just the slightest bit of courage that would make this easier. They'd only been apart a few minutes and she had already missed him so much. Not having him at her side, smiling and laughing and generally making her so happy was hurting her a lot more that it did before. They had been close for years, but never in all that time had they spent every minute of every day for three weeks together, and not for one minute did either of them guess what effect it would have on them, or how easy they would find it being together that much. Now being apart was the hard part.

Taking a deep breath she walked up the path towards his door. Softly she knocked on it. After a few minutes and no one coming she turned around to leave however just as she was about to walk away she heard a bang followed by soft cursing. Puzzled she turned back around to see John's door open and him cradling his bad arm.

"I'd never have expected to hear you cursing when I'm on your doorstep." She joked, the rain falling around her and drops lighting up like crystals under the glare of the street lamps.

"I hit my goddamn arm." He told her rubbing it. "What you doin back here?" He then asked curiously looking up at the cloudy sky and feeling the rain fall.

Monica held up the bottle of painkillers.

"I found these under your seat in the SUV. You musta dropped them, and seeing as how you're banging your arm up all over again I think it's a good thing I brought them."

"I'm okay." He told her.

Monica touched his arm softly and he winced.

"John...?"

"Really Mon, you got no need to worry bout me." He told her the both of them then going silent.

"So..." she started trying to break the silence.

"So..." Doggett replied. "You gonna give those pills to me?" He then asked smiling. "I mean that was why you came back right?" He questioned quietly.

She nodded then handed them over to him, his hand closing over her own for a brief second before he pulled it away scared of the implications.

Monica shivered as the rain soaked her through to the skin.

"So, you enjoyed a few minutes of precious peace and quiet?" Monica asked him, brushing rain drops out of her eyes and wondering what she had done for him to pull his hand away so quickly.

"It's been...I gotta be honest I've kinda been lost. You?" He asked cocking his head to one side curiously as she thought about how to answer.

"Same." Monica admitted. "You kinda get used to being together after all that time. Being alone after that's kinda hard. I mean I know we spend a lot of time together anyway but that case..."

"Yeah I know. It's real hard and I think we both know the reason why, but we're partners and we can't let complications get in the way of that no matter how hard that it to deal with. We gotta try distance ourselves from it for a while and I think maybe from each other." He told her honestly.

"Well I should probably get some sleep and I don't think I'm the only one who's tired. Mon you look dead on your feet...no offence." He added trying to break the mood.

Monica's heart fell. Earlier on he had asked her in and now he was taking it back. He'd just admitted he'd been lost not having her there and she felt it too. He had no idea how lost she felt without him. All she wanted was to be held, to have him close, she'd realised that in the SUV, and now, after deciding earlier on it would be best for them to be apart she had never regretted it so much now that he wanted it too.

Not wanting him to know her hurt she smiled.

"No offence taken." She replied yawning. "I feel it."

John studied her for a moment. Having known her for ten years he knew her expressions and he could tell she was trying to hide her emotions.

"Mon... What you said earlier, I think you were right. I miss you, I gotta admit it, but being apart ain't gonna be any easier if..."

She smiled, the fact that he had admitted he missed her consoling her slightly.

"I know." She replied the rain now coming down in torrents. "Sleep tight okay." She told him softly.

Shivering she gave a little wave and walked back to her SUV. John stood in the doorway watching her tiredly open the car door and climb in, rubbing her eyes and shivering with cold. Surprising even himself in light of what he had just said about it being best for them to be apart for a while he walked over to the SUV and tapped on the window.

She looked up at him with her chocolate brown eyes, smiling a little and wound down the window.

"John? You okay?" She asked worriedly.

"I was thinkin..." he started looking at the ground.

"That's gotta be a first." She started.

She looked at his face, which portrayed shock.

"I was joking. It was a joke." She told him starting to giggle which made him smile.

"Anyway..." he carried on still trying to stifle a laugh. "You're tired, you're completely soaked and you look freezing...I know what I just said but I don't wanna be responsible for you catching pneumonia or crashing your SUV cos you're so damn cold and tired. Why don't you stay here tonight, you can have a shower and warm up, you can have the bed and I'll have the couch. We can start the whole getting back to normal thing tomorrow." He told her.

"You think this is a good idea?" She asked him not wanting him to be doing anything he didn't want to.

"I think you driving really tired and wet is a bad one so yeah I kinda do. What do ya say?" He asked her looking shyly down at the ground again.

She played with her hair, and John could see her mind working. She smiled.

"I say you got yourself some company. If you're sure?" She then asked. "Cos if you wanna change your mind about me coming inside again you should really do it now before I keel over on you."

He reached out his hand to her and took it in his own.

"Come on before you freeze to death." He told her softly. "Besides I kinda owe you after bringing me my painkillers. I've only been home a little while and I've already hit my arm around five times."

She giggled and tiredly buried her head in his chest.

Locking her SUV for her he then led her inside.

"And Mon...Please don't judge me when you see the mess the place is in okay?" He asked her smiling softly as they entered the house.


	4. Chapter 4

An hour later found John Doggett sitting in his lounge with a cup of coffee as Monica showered. The radio was still on; soft music filling the house while the sound of his partner moving around could be heard.

Earlier that evening when she had decided to go rather than stay for a while he had been hurt, but after seeing her turn up on his doorstep he knew why she had gone. Lines had become blurred, their relationship had taken on new meaning and depth and while he had always been attracted to her and she to him, now it was becoming harder and harder for each of them to resist. He hadn't meant to hurt her, or act cold when she was on his doorstep just a little while ago, even though he knew he had. He was just trying to save both of them from jumping into anything that could cause them to get hurt or blur those dissolving lines even further. He couldn't let her drive home as tired as she was though and he didn't want to risk her getting sick because she had done something for him, being selfless as always. Now was his turn to do something for her, no matter how small even though things could potentially get more complicated than they already were.

Hearing footsteps in the doorway he looked up to see Monica standing in one of his shirts.

"Is it okay I borrowed this? Any laundry I have in the car is dirty and the rest is soaked."

"It's fine. Sure as hell looks better on you than it does me." He commented clearing his throat as if to distract himself from the thoughts filling his mind. "You want a coffee?"

"I'm okay thanks. I think I'm just gonna go sleep unless you wanna talk or anything?" She asked.

"You sleep." He told her.

She nodded and then turned around and made her way to his room.

"Sweet dreams." He called after her.

She turned back around and gave him one of her sunny smiles then giving a little wave went to bed.

Yawning himself Doggett went to his linen closet and pulled out some spare blankets and a pillow. Carefully he walked over to the sofa, watching that he didn't hit his arm again on the way and made it up. Looking around the room again and sighing because of the mess he had left the place in he then turned off the lamp and climbed into the makeshift bed, thoughts of his partner filling his head as he drifted into sleep.

After what only seemed to be a few minutes John was stirred from his sleep by a female scream. Remembering his partner was asleep in his room and fearing for her safety he immediately fumbled around the room for his gun, then finding the light switch he ran out of the lounge towards his own room where she was still screaming. Taking a deep breath he pulled out his gun, holding it ready to tackle any attacker he then pushed open his door.

"Monica?" He called softly.

"Mon?" He repeated.

Still she screamed and cried.

Now he was really starting to get scared and he wasn't the kind of guy that got scared easily. When it came down to Monica though or any person he cared about that was the exception, and hearing her so frightened was chilling him to the bone.

Gripping his gun tightly he turned on the light then as the room lit up he pointed his gun at the bed. Hearing her screams and cries he expected to see his partner being attacked, but when the light came on he could see she was having a nightmare and was lying there looking so vulnerable, her face contorting in fear and tears streaming down her face.

Relieved but still worried about her he put the gun down and walked over to the bed. He sat down next to her and tenderly stroked her dark hair away from her cheeks flushed red with fear.

Still she cried and screamed, and it was the most heartbreaking sound he had ever heard. Gently he took her hands in his own and called her name.

"Monica...Mon...You're having a nightmare. Mon wake up..." he called softly into her ear.

As he softly stroked her face, hot and wet with tears she began to stir. Slowly she opened her eyes that were full of fear.

"Mon?" He called, the terrified look on her beautiful face breaking his heart. "I thought someone was hurting you...I was kinda worried."

Her eyes focused on him. His eyes, so blue, were full of concern.

"I dreamt about that town...all those kids...they sacrificed all those kids. They were going to sacrifice you." She told him.

"I know, but Mon you saved me and we're okay. We're okay and you're safe. We're safe. " He soothed.

"You told them to take your life instead of mine...why?" She asked him tearfully, sitting up in the bed and pulling her knees up to her chest as he ran his thumb in circles along the back of her shaking hand.

"Mon I think you know why." He whispered. "For the same reason why we were trying to stay apart tonight." He told her.

She nodded.

"I should go..." she told him getting up out of the bed.

"No." he told her, gently pulling her back down on the bed. "I'm not gonna let you go when you're upset like this. Mon I've hardly ever seen you like this and if I'm honest it kinda scares me to death. You're stayin' and I promise I won't let anythin happen to you." He told her.

She smiled softly at him. He was right, she did know why he pleaded with their colleague to take his life instead of hers. She would have done exactly the same thing for him. They cared about each other, a lot more than they should and that was why they were trying to distance themselves from each other no matter how hard that distancing was. They were partners, they were best friends but after the case it was obvious they cared about each other a lot more than just best friends should, and now it was getting harder to fight against the immense feeling they had for each other.

"You try and get some sleep now." He told her softly.

She lay back down against the pillows and wiped her eyes.

"This is probably going to sound really immature but would you stay with me for a while, just till I fall asleep. The dream I had just made me a little bit jumpy." She admitted.

John looked at her. His heart was screaming for him to stay with her. She was obviously scared after the dream she had, and of the memories it had brought back. His head however was telling him no and that if things were to develop he may not have the willpower to stop them. Seeing her so unsettled though helped him make his choice. He couldn't leave her, at least not until he was sure she was all right.

"I'll be right here okay." He told her pulling up a wooden chair and sitting down, shifting until he was comfortable.

Monica closed her eyes, waiting for sleep to come. As John looked at her he thought he'd never seen her so angelic, even though she was that way by nature. She opened her eyes to make sure he was still there, then when she saw he was closed them again. John smiled.

Leaning over he turned the stereo on softly and leaned back in the chair letting the words of a song wash over him but he found his arm was preventing him from getting comfortable. He must have been making some noise as Monica opened her eyes and propped her head up on her elbow.

"What are you doing?" She asked him amused, her brown hair falling around her face.

"Can't get comfortable." He admitted shifting again until there was a loud crack and the chair broke into pieces under him, John falling on the floor and hitting his arm.

"Oh John. You okay?" She asked him climbing out of the bed and kneeling on the floor next to him, trying to suppress laughter at the expression on his face which was a cross between shock, disbelief, embarrassment and pain.

"It's not funny." He told her watching her struggle to suppress her giggling, rubbing his arm as pain shot up it.

She cleared her throat, trying to keep serious.

"I know. You're completely right." She told him her voice breaking and a smile appearing on her face.

"Don't you dare." He warned with mock seriousness before she collapsed next to him in fits of giggles.

He shook his head as his partner tried to regain her composure at his side. Seeing her face lit up with laughter he couldn't get mad at her laughing at him. Instead he started to laugh himself.

"I'm sorry." She told him after a few minutes. "Your arm okay?" She then asked.

"Hurts like hell but I'll live." He told her. "I can't believe you laughed at me." He told her smiling. "I was hurtin."

"You shoulda seen the look on your face, it was priceless. You know you really need to learn to relax." She teased.

"I know how to relax." He told her.

"Oh yeah? Like how?" She teased back.

He rubbed his arm.

"You really knocked it huh?" She asked noticing the pain on his face. "Let me have a look."

"I'm fine." He told her stubbornly.

"John..." she started looking up at him, her brown eyes finding his blue. "Stop being so totally manly just for a second and let me take a peek."

Relenting he let her take off the sling that was holding his arm. Gently she removed the bandage, checking that the fall hadn't reopened the wound on his arm that he had gained saving her life, pleading for their colleague to take his own instead.

"Looks okay. I think you just bruised it a little." She told him softly, tenderly running her finger along the stitched up wound. "You're gonna have a scar." She told him as she recovered the wound and helped him put the sling back on.

"Yeah well it won't be the first time. Besides I got it saving you, so it doesn't really bother me that much." He told her honestly.

A single tear ran down her cheek. He put his thumb under her chin and lifted her face up so she was looking into his eyes.

"Hey...no tears. We're okay."

"I know." She told him smiling. "I'm just happy we are that's all."

"Me too. We saw bad things Mon, but we got through it. That's a good thing."

She nodded.

"C'mere." He told her putting his good arm around her. "We're okay." He soothed.

Both of them could feel each other's hearts pounding in their chests as their bodies touched and he took her into his arms. She felt safe there, and having her close to him made him feel whole.

Slowly Monica pulled away and looked at him. She saw the love in his eyes, the want and need he felt for her at that very moment and she felt the same way.

"John..." she said softly unable to catch her breath.

He swallowed and before he knew it they were in each other's embrace, their lips softly brushing as they kissed. It was the most tender kiss either had experienced, one filled with so much feeling and care that it meant so very much to the both of them. It was also one filled with passion, a passion that had been brewing inside for what felt like forever and one so overwhelming that the kiss made them feel as if they were the only two people in the world.

Reluctantly they pulled away from each other, each looking deep into the other's eyes. John took her left hand in his own and rubbed his thumb over the back of it.

"Mon I'm sorry. I didn't mean..."

Monica cupped his cheek with her hand.

"It's okay." She told him leaning in to kiss him again, the passion she felt for her partner so strong within her and the love she had for him clouding any thoughts of stopping.

He immediately responded unable to fight the emotions coursing within him that only she stirred. Emotions that made his heart beat so fast. She was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen and here she was kissing him, holding on to him tightly, her body close against his own, the heat radiating from it warm against his skin.

Gently they both stood up still locked in each other's embrace. John stroked her soft hair out of her hazel eyes as she ran her hands over his muscular chest carefully pulling his T-shirt off. He unbuttoned the shirt of his she was wearing trailing kisses down her neck as they both fell back on the bed, bodies entwining.

"Mon, just one thing..." He said gruffly.

"What?" She asked softly, the perfect song coming on the radio as they both gave into their desires and made love.

"Watch the arm." He told her smiling, leaning down to kiss her once again as the sweet music filled the room and their bodies united as one.


	5. Chapter 5

John Doggett lay on his side watching the angelic form of his partner as she slept peacefully. He didn't know what he'd done to deserve her in his life. A person so filled with joy and happiness that could find the sun in a sky full of dark clouds. He cared for her so much that sometimes his heart felt like it was going to burst when he saw that beautiful smile or thought about all those times that she had been there for him without even asking her, just sensing that he needed her there by his side.

He loved her, he could feel it from the very depths of his soul and that was why he was about to do what he was going to do. He had been thinking about it all night. He had no regrets, he never could, it was the most special night of his life, so beautiful, but he wasn't good enough for her, he never could be. She deserved so much better than him. He'd already pulled her too far into a life where things sometimes seemed too bleak and she was too special for that. She didn't need to be brought down like that when she had so much to give.

"Hey." Came a soft voice from him side.

John looked at her as her hazel eyes opened and she rubbed her eyes, then stretching.

"Hey yourself." He told her stroking her cheek, smiling softly but sadly.

"You okay?" She asked, sensing the familiar sadness within him then sitting up.

"C'mere." He asked motioning for her to sit right at his side. He put his good arm around her then kissed the top of her head.

"John what's going on? I know something's wrong." She told him sadly.

"I've been thinkin..."

"Uh oh." She replied smiling playfully at him.

"Mon you're an incredible woman. You're so selfless and loving...and me...well...Mon I ain't good enough for you. You deserve so much better than me. I got nothin to offer and well while last night was great...more than great...I just...I don't want you to be caught up in my life."

"John I already am and it's okay..." she told him.

"Mon what I mean is I could only bring you down. If we got involved...I just don't wanna pull you into a life where half the time I'm not even sure what's going on. And last night...you were upset and I just...I don't wanna take advantage of my best friend. I don't wanna spoil things just because we were both still recoverin' from what happened in that town."

"John you didn't take advantage. It wasn't like I wasn't willing." She told him running her fingers over his chest.

"I know me either, but I really think it's for the best if we try and take things back to how they were before. At least for a little while."

Monica looked at the bed unable to look him in the eyes.

"Monica I thought last night was amazing and I have no regrets; I want you to know that okay but..."

She looked at him sadly, then smiled softly. He could tell it was a front and that deep down she was so hurt by what he had just said and he hated being the cause of it.

"It's okay. I get it." She told him getting up out of the bed. "Thank you for letting me stay last night." She told him picking up the wet clothes that had been hanging up in the room and pulling them on.

"Mon?"

She turned to face him. "Don't freak John we're okay. Just one thing though...it's up to me whether I think you'd bring me down or not. Don't just assume it." She told him leaving him alone in the room, quietly turning around sensing his presence as he stood in the hallway watching her leave.

As she closed the door behind her he punched the wall beside him, his knuckles bloodied with the force. He walked over to the window and watched her climb into her SUV. He had never been so angry with himself. He thought it was for the best but she was the best thing in his life and now he had risked losing her. He could see she was hurt, as soon as she climbed in she put her hands on the steering wheel then rested her head on top of them. All he wanted was to run out there and tell her he had been stupid, but then his head was once again sending different messages than his heart and he stayed inside as she drove away not knowing his regret or his own hurt. 


	6. Chapter 6

It had been six weeks since partners John Doggett and Monica Reyes had spent the night together. They had been six very hard weeks where they both were trying so hard to maintain the relationship they had before while trying to come to terms with what had happened and the fact that they were trying to distance themselves from it. It hadn't been easy working together each knowing the other's feelings they had for each other and each wishing it would be easier to take things further than run away.

Monica still continued with her beautiful sunny smiles, always supporting her partner and acting like his actions that morning didn't bother her. John still played the tough officer always focused on the case yet still there for her like always. While working together hadn't been as hard as each of them had thought it broke their hearts, especially Monica's, that he was so afraid to pull her into his life more than she was already. Instead he risked losing her.

John Doggett sighed as he drove them back to the hotel they were staying at for the case they were now on. It was a sweltering summer's day and instead of being her usual chatty and cheerful self Monica was quiet and seemed distracted. He didn't think she'd said more then a few words since they'd got in the car and that didn't make for a comfortable atmosphere, at least in his mind.

"You mad at me?" He asked his partner stealing a quick glance at her before turning back to the road.

Monica looked at his worried face. He hated the idea of hurting her and she knew that, but he had hurt her, the fact was she was doing her hardest not to show it. She could see his reasoning; she understood why he was so reluctant to take things further than what happened that night. He had after all gone through a lot of dark times in his life and she knew he was trying to protect her by trying to keep away from it. The fact was whether he liked it or not something was going on between them which was undeniably more than friendship and the fact was that where he thought he wasn't good enough for her she didn't think anything was further than the truth. He was a good man. An honest man, and the only man she could see herself spending her life with, and she couldn't help but be frustrated that he was throwing it all away.

"No John, I'm not mad." She told him taking the earphones she was wearing out of her ears and looking at him with her deep brown eyes.

"Well you okay?" He asked her noticing for the first time in the last few weeks just how pale she had been. "You're looking kinda peaky there." He added.

"You really know how to make a woman feel good about herself huh." She told him smiling, making him smile.

"I try." He told her then clearing his throat and returning his gaze to the road.

"I'll be fine." She told him winding her window down further and taking a deep breath of air, then putting her earphones back in.

"What you listenin to?" He half shouted, watching her turn her CD player back on.

She turned back to face him. "What?" She shouted back unable to hear him.

"What are you listening to?" He repeated slower.

"Relaxation music. Why?" She asked him turning the CD player off and putting it down.

"Just wonderin. You don't usually listen to CDs on a case."

"Well we're in a car and not exactly working, besides I'm feeling kinda nauseous and I'm trying to take my mind off it a little."

"I thought you said you were okay." He asked her frowning, his eyes filling with concern.

"I'm sure its nothing." She told him touched at his concern, resting her head back against the seat.

"You want some water or anything? I think we got some in the back." He asked her.

"John, I promise you I'm...pull over." She told him cupping a hand over her mouth.

"Mon what?" He asked her.

"Please just pull over." She pleaded closing her eyes.

As soon as he could find somewhere to pull in he stopped the car, Monica opening her door even before he had stopped and running out to the deserted roadside where she was sick. John immediately hurried to the back of the car, fishing out a bottle of water they had got at the last stop and walked over to her.

He handed it to her, eyeing her worriedly as she took a sip.

"You know now I've been thinking about it you haven't been yourself lately Mon. I know its understandable cos of what I..."

"This is nothing to do with that John I promise you." She told him stroking his cheek. "I understand why you did what you did even if it does hurt."

He looked at the ground.

"I think its stomach flu that's all." She told him. "Oh god..." she said quietly as her stomach heaved again.

John rubbed her back with one hand and held her hair back off her face with the other, his arm still sore but out of the sling.

"It's gonna be okay Monica." He told her as she was ill and he felt totally and utterly helpless. "I promise you it's gonna be okay." He whispered to her knowing that he had seen this before though not in Monica but his ex wife. 


	7. Chapter 7

This continued for another three weeks. Monica was ill and John was worriedly keeping an eye on her as they worked. It hadn't gone unnoticed at the bureau that Monica Reyes wasn't her usual sunny self though she was trying as hard as she could to be, and John in particular was worried as hell. She was trying so hard to work and keep focused. He was finding it hard enough to keep focused just seeing her so sick so he couldn't imagine what she was going through. He could see now that she was beginning to worry. While some days she was fine apart from being more tired than usual, others she spent the start of her shift in the ladies toilets, her stomach heaving and her head spinning with thoughts of what was going on inside her body. She had some idea but she wasn't ready to share it with the world yet and especially not her partner, not until she knew for sure and not until she knew how she felt.

John Doggett opened the car door and climbed in, two sodas in his hands. Turning to his partner ready to give her a soda he smiled, she was fast asleep. They had been on a stakeout for the past four hours, Monica seemed to be back to her usual cheerful self, smiling and laughing but she had looked tired. Her cheeks had more colour in them, but there was something about her he couldn't place. Gently he put the drink down on the dashboard and stroked a lock of hair off her cheek. She looked so peaceful. He wondered what she was dreaming about...

As her hand drifted down to her abdomen as she slept images filled her head, a sense of new life within her so strong and a sense of overpowering love. She could see herself in her dream walking alone at night on a sandy beach, following the sound of a child's cry. She got closer and closer until she saw her partner holding a small infant in his arms in the moonlight, a baby boy with his father's piercing blue eyes and his mother's colouring. As she knelt down next to John resting her head on his shoulder she took the child's tiny hand in her own. The vision then faded and she could see the form of her unborn child growing inside of her, the sickness she had been feeling a sign to let her know she was carrying a life within her. She saw her little boy as he grew, she saw him kicking inside her and with the hiccups, she saw him move and with that she awoke.

"Hey." Came a soft voice from beside her.

She placed a hand on her still flat stomach.

"Hey." She replied shakily, memories of her dream filling her head.

"Got you a soda." He replied passing her the plastic cup, the gesture of her hand resting on her abdomen not lost in him as they sat there quietly.

"Thanks." She replied taking a sip.

"The sleep do any good?" He asked her softly, studying her carefully as she sat there at his side, noticing that there was a radiant glow about her, which while she had always had it seemed stronger than before.

"Uh yeah." Monica told him softly, squirming under his intense gaze. "Hey John, that's the guy..." she told him pointing to the house they were staking out.

"Damn it...Okay, Mon I want you to stay here." He told her grabbing the radio and opening his door.

"John why? I'm not letting you go in there alone." She replied opening her door.

"You know why Mon, and I ain't letting you do it." He told her.

"Why?" She asked him wanting to know what he meant; her heart beating so fast when she thought he may have guessed what was going on.

"Just stay here." He replied.

John called for backup, rushing out of the car to grab the guy they had been looking out for before he potentially wounded the woman they were trying to protect. Ignoring his protests and unable to let him go into this alone Monica followed her partner up three flights of stairs stopping as she watched him grapple with the guy who was wielding a gun, John then falling down unconscious as he hit his head on the stone steps.

"Put the weapon down!" Monica shouted pulling out her own gun and pointing it at the guy, looking at John for any signs of life.

The guy turned around startled then pointing the gun at her.

"I said put it down!" She shouted.

Still the guy stood still.

"Move away from my partner and put the gun down or I swear I'll blow your head off." She told him forcefully unflinching as he moved towards her.

"I'm real scared." The guy countered walking towards her. "What are you gonna do now with no partner to protect you girly." He asked leering at her.

"I don't need him to protect me." She replied looking the guy straight in the eyes still pointing her gun at him.

The guy stood there just staring at her he pointed his gun at her head then slowly moved it down so it was pointing at her abdomen.

"Put the gun down." She repeated shakily wondering how he could possibly know, full of fear for the fragile life inside her.

The guy just smiled then turned to face Doggett. Just as he was about to pull the trigger and do the one thing that would hurt Monica the most she shot him in the arm. The man fell to the ground writhing in pain and the gun flew across the floor as back up arrived and took the man into custody.

As they all filed into the building Reyes ran over to Doggett who was still lying on the ground out cold.

"John..." she whispered stroking his face softly. "John you wake up you hear me?" She told him.

As if he had heard her he opened his eyes and tried to sit up.

"Why is everythin spinnin?" He joked.

"You took a blow to the head." She told him examining the wound. "Looks like you might need stitches and you might have concussion. We should get you to the hospital and get you checked out."

"I'm fine. He didn't do anythin to you did he?" Doggett then asked. "I told you to stay in the car." He repeated protectively.

"Hey, It's you we should be worrying about. If I hadn't of followed you you could have ended up dead." Monica told him helping him up wondering if he could possibly have guessed, wanting to question him about what he said in the car but being too tired and not wanting to stir things up.

As they made their way down the stairs Reyes found herself overcome by dizziness. Doggett noticing grabbed her by the arm to steady her as she lowered herself down on to the steps.

"Mon?" He questioned.

"I'm just a little dizzy, give me a sec." she told him taking a deep breath.

He rubbed her back softly, then as his colleagues entered stopped and put his hand discreetly over hers.

"That's it Mon I'm taking you home." He told her concerned.

"John I can do this, besides you got a head wound, you're not in the best state to drive me." She told him strongly.

"Mon normally you could handle this but at the moment I don't think you can." He whispered to her, his piercing blue eyes looking deep into her brown as if he could see into her soul.

She looked right into his amazing blue eyes and could see the worry radiating out of them. Sighing she put her hands up in resignation.

"Fine you win." She told him. "I could do with some sleep. As long as you promise me you're gonna get that head checked out as soon as I'm home. Deal?" She asked.

"Deal." He replied squeezing her hand. "I do give a damn bout you. You know that right?" He then asked her quietly.

She looked at him, thinking of their child that could be growing inside her and how scared she was of how he would react to the news that if she decided to have the baby he would be a father in just under seven months.

"I know you do John. I do too." She replied as he helped her up and they made their way back to the car so he could drive her home. 


	8. Chapter 8

Monica Reyes sat in her apartment reading the instructions on the box. In three minutes she would know if she was carrying John's child inside of her and if her life was going to change forever. She didn't know what she would do if the test was positive, though she already had the sense that she was going to have a lot of thinking to do over the next few weeks. She'd always pictured herself having kids, a big family, but she also knew that doing the job she was doing and having a child wasn't the safest situation to bring a child into and certainly not the safest job to do while pregnant.

Babies were so much responsibility and if she had this child she'd want to give it the unconditional love, care and attention it deserved, and she was so scared that if she did have the baby she couldn't do that because of work. She was also so scared of doing it alone. It wasn't that she thought she couldn't. She knew that if she had this child she would do anything she could to ensure it was happy and healthy and safe and loved, but she'd not had too much experience around children other than William and she wasn't sure how the baby's father would react to the news that he'd have a baby boy around. He was a good man.

He was so distraught after what happened to Luke and that was one of the factors that frightened her the most. After losing Luke his whole life had turned upside down. He thought the world of his son. He was a natural at fatherhood. Even so she couldn't help thinking that if she told him about the baby he might think that she had done it to trap him into something he wasn't ready for, or that she was trying to replace Luke when nothing could be further from the truth. She already sensed he was suspicious and that he may have guessed but surely he would have said more to her or at least reacted more to the news though it was obvious he was concerned for her. She wasn't even sure that she'd be a good mother. She didn't know how she felt apart from so very frightened.

Sighing she put the test down and made her way to the kitchen where she poured herself a glass of water. She was then pulled out of her thoughts by a phone ringing. Walking over to it she picked it up.

"Monica Reyes..." she said softly.

"Hey Mon, it's me. I was just checkin to see if you're feelin any better." Came her partner's voice.

"John, hey." She replied. "Yeah a little." She lied. "How's the head?"

"Sore." He replied. "I saw a Doctor, had a couple of stitches and have a mild concussion. I'm under observation at the hospital. I'm ringing from my room. I hate these gowns." He told her sighing.

"Oh god. You sure you're okay?" She asked concerned but smiling at his last comment.

"Yeah I'm doin fine. Food could be better though. I'd give anything for polish sausage."

Monica smiled. "I bet you would. I'll treat you when you get out." She told him.

"I'll hold you to it." He told her. "Are you sure you're okay?" He then asked her. "You sound kinda jumpy."

The timer beeped. The three minutes was up.

"Shit." She whispered. "John I'm sorry but I have to go. I'll talk to you soon okay?" She told him.

"Monica..." he started. "I think I have some idea what's..."

"John I really have to go. I'll talk to you soon. Take care of yourself for me okay and rest, or I'll kick your ass when you get out of there." She told him.

"Will do. You do the same okay Mon?" He asked her.

"Promise." She told him softly. "John..." she started wishing with all her heart she could talk to him about this and that she wasn't having to do this alone. She would have given anything just to have him hold her right now.

"Mmm?"

"Nothing. Sleep well." She told him wiping the tear that was sliding down her cheek.

"You too." He replied, and she could tell by his voice exactly what his facial expression was down the other end of that phone before she put the phone down.

Monica took a deep breath then slowly walked over to the counter where the pregnancy test was sitting.

"I can't do this." She whispered sitting down and putting her head in her hands, unable to look at the result. She'd never been as frightened in her whole life as she was now. Her whole life could be about to change and finding the strength to go and look at the one thing that would prove one way or the other whether that one night spent with the man she cared about, and who cared about her more than anything, had left her pregnant was so hard. At the moment she didn't feel very strong at all.

"Pull yourself together Monica." She then whispered getting up and slowly walking to the counter. Shakily she picked up the test. She looked at the box, then at the result. Two blue lines had appeared. She was pregnant. It was certain. The vision she'd had in the car when sitting with John earlier had been right. She was carrying John Doggett's child inside of her.

"This can't be happening. How could I not realise you were in there little one?" She whispered tearfully to herself sliding to the floor as tears streamed down her face, a hand on her stomach, the test still in her other hand. "How could I not know?" She whispered again in shock.

She didn't know how long she had sat there, quietly absorbing the news but by the time she had looked at the clock again a storm was brewing outside, rain was falling and for the first time in the past few weeks she felt as if she should eat for the sake of her unborn child rather than skipping meals because of feeling nauseous. Pulling herself gently off the cold floor she took one last look at the test then threw it in the trash. She then made her way into the kitchen where she fixed herself some dinner and a glass of milk that she knew was good for the baby.

Sipping it while her food cooked she walked over to where her antique mirror stood and for the first time in the past couple of months really looked at herself in it. She could see why John had been concerned, her face was pale and she looked tired but it was as if there was a glow about her that she couldn't explain other than the fact it was something to do with their unborn baby. She remembered Dana too had that glow about her when she was carrying William. She was radiant and now Monica was too.

Putting the glass down Monica put a hand on her stomach, then curiously lifted her T-shirt up studying her abdomen in the mirror, turning sideways to see if there was any noticeable sign of the child she carried within her It was still flat. No one would even know that she was pregnant unless they considered all of her symptoms or she told them and she didn't want to do that yet.

She had so much to think about now, another life to think about, one that was created by herself and her partner on a night that he didn't even want to talk about or admit even happened. She knew he had wanted it, she had too, and she knew that deep down there was love there, but instead of admitting there was he had pushed her away because of fear as he always did. As long as she was there to comfort him and for him to confide in feelings didn't matter because for him it was easier that way.

That night he had thought he'd taken advantage after a hard few weeks, that he was risking pulling her deeper into his dark life and now as the result he had pushed her away expecting things to go back the way there were before. Now things never could go back to how they were.

She was carrying his child and if her vision was right a little boy and whatever she decided to do now, whether she kept the child or decided to terminate she knew this would make or break the relationship she had with John. She had no idea how he'd react to the news; all she knew was that she wasn't going to tell him before she made a decision what to do. She didn't want to drag up all the emotion about Luke with news of this new arrival if she ultimately wasn't going to go through with the pregnancy. It wasn't fair on John and it wasn't fair on her either.

But what had he meant when he said he thought he knew what was going on? Had he put two and two together and realised? He hadn't wanted her to come into that building after him, was it because he knew about his child and was trying to protect it or just because he was worried about her?

When it came down to it it was her body and her choice, but what a choice it was to make. There was so much going against her with her work on the X-Files which was so dangerous, both for someone who was pregnant and for a mother who could at any point have something happen which could leave her child without a parent. The fact that her and John were partners didn't make it any easier considering it was frowned upon for partners to get involved emotionally.

Anything that had happened between Mulder and Scully had generally happened in secret, and now their baby son, and both his mother's and father's lives were in danger as well as his own. Could she bring a baby into that? Into a life where his father had pushed his mother away on the night of his conception even if it was because he thought it was best? Would it even be fair? It wasn't that she felt no love for this baby, she could sense him inside her even at this early stage and all she wanted to do was protect him and make sure he was safe and healthy. He was hers, a part of her and a part of the man that she loved. How could she not feel any love for him? She'd give the world for this child. But still she didn't know if she could go through with the pregnancy or if she should and it hurt her inside to feel that way.

After eating as much as she could without feeling nauseous Monica made her way to her bed where she lay down listening to the storm outside, the room illuminated by the flashes of lightning that filled the sky. Her head was spinning as she thought about the day's events, it was as if she couldn't make sense of anything. Her whole world had changed in just a few months and she didn't know how to even start absorbing it all. All she could think of was her partner, what he had said that morning that had made this decision so hard. All she wanted was for him to hold her and tell her things were going to be okay. She wanted him to tell her how he felt about her and that she'd be a good mother to their son. She wanted so much to tell him, but she was so afraid to. Part of her thought it would be easier if he had guessed, but if he had he wasn't really letting on, though she hadn't really given him a chance and knowing John she figured if he did know he was probably waiting for her to confirm it first. She knew it was best to keep this to herself until she knew how she felt about impending motherhood but that didn't mean that it was any easier, it was so hard to go through this alone.

As tears fell and the storm raged outside Monica remembered one stormy night when they were on the case that had led to all these life changing events. There was a storm just the same as there was this night where the rain fell so hard and the thunder crashed overhead making the whole house vibrate with its force. She had been lying in bed just listening while John had been sitting in the lounge when there was a large crash...

"Monica?" John Doggett shouted as he ran up the stairs to her room.

"Mon answer me!" He shouted fearing she had been hurt, his heart pounding so fast in his chest with fear that he had lost the woman he loved. "Monica!" He shouted again.

As he ran up the stairs the power went out, lightning the only source of light in the spooky old house.

"Damn it." He cursed. "Monica? Just shout if you're okay!" He shouted feeling his way up the stairs.

John Doggett felt himself walk into something, his face then illuminated by a light. He closed his eyes and sighed with relief as he realised his partner was okay and was shining a flashlight in his eyes.

"John? God I thought you were hurt. What in the hell was that noise?" Monica Reyes asked him as he drew her into his arms, the flashlight she was holding falling to the floor.

"I have no idea. I thought something had happened to ya." He admitted pulling back and looking at her.

"Me too...to you I mean. I'm glad you're okay."

"Yeah." He replied quietly.

"Some storm huh." She commented as they carefully made their way downstairs to investigate the source of the large crash that had caused so much confusion.

"You're tellin me...aha. Tree blew down over the road and hit a power line." He told her looking out of the window of the lounge. "Guess that explains why the powers out."

"Sure does. I think we've got some candles in the kitchen. Could you pass me the flashlight?" She asked.

John handed it to her, the lightning outside filling the room and highlighting all the curves of her body as she left the room. He swallowed, mentally scolding himself for thinking like that about her.

"Found them." Came a shout from in the kitchen.

A few moments later the whole living room was full of candles whose different lights and scents made the room have a surreal feeling to it. Both deciding they would be unable to sleep with the storm raging overhead as it was Monica and John decided to stay in the lounge.

Monica, who was sitting on the sofa, her legs curled up underneath her and a mug of coffee in her hands looked at her partner who was sitting in an old antique rocking chair watching as workmen tried to pull up the tree and fix the power cables.

He looked so thoughtful and so peaceful that anyone who didn't know him probably wouldn't have even been able to guess some of what he'd been through in his life. He was a strong man, one with so much passion inside of him that sometimes the strength of it amazed her. On the surface he just seemed the usual tough, always focused former cop, but there was so much more to him that that, so many layers and complexities that every time she looked at him or spoke to him something else would surface. She saw that side more than anyone. The sensitive side, the one where he would do anything just for her, to make sure she was safe and happy She'd give him the world, she hoped he knew that by now and he'd give her the world if he could. He'd give her anything she asked for.

Sensing his partner's eyes on him John turned around to see her sitting thoughtfully, her brown eyes looking down at her hands as he turned to face her and her cheeks flushing like a child's who had been caught doing something that they shouldn't. He smiled as she looked shyly back up at him, his smile then bringing one to her face.

"What you thinking about?" He asked her curiously.

"Just how we ended up partners again after everything with Luke. I'm glad we found our way back to each other that's all." She told him.

"Me too Mon. I mean that." He told her sincerely. "It's certainly been one hell of a ride so far."

"Yeah it has. Would you trade it?" She then asked him.

He looked out of the window thoughtfully then turned to face her, his blue eyes looking straight into her brown.

"Not one second." He told her honestly, her face, which was illuminated by the soft light of the candles enchanting.

"Hey you okay?" He asked as she shivered with cold.

"Just a little cold." She told him taking a sip of coffee.

"C'mere." He told her patting his lap, a silly grin on his face.

"John what?" She asked curiously, a small smile playing on her lips as his blue eyes shone in the dark.

He motioned for her to come over to him.

Shaking her had in amusement Monica walked over to her partner who smiled.

"Grab the duvet." He told her.

She looked at him confused.

"Mon just grab the duvet and bring it over." He told her, a wide smile on his lips as he saw the look on her face, which was one of total and utter confusion.

"You're not going to build us a den are you?" She whispered laughing, walking back over and passing him the duvet.

He shook his head, then taking her hands in his own he gently pulled her down onto his lap. Sighing she made herself comfortable resting her head back against his muscled chest as he pulled the duvet over them and wrapped his arms around her so they were resting over the top of her own.

"You're freezin'." He told her rubbing his hands up and down her arms to warm her up.

She looked up at him and smiled, then resting her head back on his chest and listening to the sound of his strong heartbeat.

"Better?" He asked her resting his chin on the top of her head.

"Yeah. Thanks." She told him sincerely as they rocked gently on the chair, each comforted by the other's presence as the storm raged, the wind blew and neither wanted the moment to end...

All Monica wanted the night she found out about her carrying John's child was for that comfort again. That sense of safety and of being protected that she felt there in his arms. It wasn't that she was weak and needed him to protect her, she was far from needing it. She wasn't the kind of woman that couldn't hold her own, but knowing that she was carrying a child within her she felt so vulnerable. It wasn't just her life she had to think about now; there was a child involved. She had to eat properly, she had to rest more, take things easier than she was used to but most of all she had to decide. First thing's first she was going to have to make a Doctor's appointment just to get everything confirmed and checked out. There was a minute chance pregnancy tests were wrong wasn't there? But she knew she was kidding herself. She could sense her son. She could feel his energy inside her; she could feel his little life. She felt alone, and most of all she felt so scared. She was so afraid of making the wrong choice, and most of all she was afraid the best thing to do would be not to have her little boy.

Monica shook her head and reached for the phone. Dialling the hospital she knew John would be at she waited for the reply of one of the staff.

"Hi...I'd like to speak to John Doggett please. He's suffering a mild concussion? He's under observation." Monica told them.

She waited as the nurse typed the details into the computer, her hand shaking as she held the phone.

"Are you family?" The nurse asked.

"I'm his partner Monica Reyes. A close friend. How is he?"

"I'll be back with you in a second. I'll go check for you." The nurse told her putting the phone down on her desk and going to talk to someone who knew more about John's condition.

After what seemed like an eternity the nurse was back.

"Miss Reyes? Mr Doggett's stable. He should be released tomorrow. I'm afraid he's sleeping now, is it important?" The nurse then asked.

"Uh no it's fine. Let him sleep." Monica told her not wanting to wake him if he was resting. He'd just worry.

"Would you like me to pass on a message?" The nurse then asked.

"No, it's fine...thank you. Just keep an eye on him for me?" Monica told her.

"That's what I'm here for. Are you sure you don't want me to wake him?" The nurse asked obviously sensing something in Monica's voice.

"Yeah. Thank you for your help."

"You're welcome. Good night." The nurse replied putting the phone down.

Monica lay back and put a hand on her belly listening to the rain. She closed her eyes but was startled out of her thoughts as her stomach heaved. She only just made it to the bathroom before she was sick. When she was sure she couldn't bring up anything else she shakily walked over to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water then grabbed a plastic bowl and made her way back to her bed.

"You're not gonna make this easy for your mommy are you sweetie." She whispered closing her eyes and falling into a restless sleep. 


	9. Chapter 9

An extremely concerned John Doggett meanwhile put the phone down. He could tell from her voice that something was wrong. That there was something she wasn't telling him and he thought he had some idea that he knew what it was, though he didn't want to press her about it until she was ready to talk. He had known her for ten years, he knew when she was worried, or upset, scared, or putting on a front so he wouldn't worry about her but he could see through it every time, and still he worried.

He'd been so worried over these last few months about her sickness that so many times at night when he couldn't be with her he had picked up the phone to call and see how she was. He had then put it down because of cowardice or because he didn't want to mess things up more than he already had and he knew he'd messed things up pretty bad.

Now after seeing her asleep in the car with her hand resting on her stomach and seeing her suffer from dizziness and clam up when he told her he didn't want her to follow him into that dangerous situation this morning, he was pretty sure that what he thought was causing this sickness was right. When Barbara had been pregnant with Luke she'd suffered from acute morning sickness, she'd been tired and dizzy and had suffered from mood swings and these were the exact same things he was now seeing in Monica.

He could see she was petrified, if it was true that she was pregnant he would be too, but not because he didn't want her or the child because he did, but because he was going to have to finally face up to feelings he had been pushing aside. If she was indeed pregnant he already knew he'd stand by her whatever her choice because he loved her, and if he was honest he loved the thought of Monica carrying their child, it was something beautiful, the woman he loved carrying something inside her that both of them created. She was radiant, though he didn't know if she realised it and he thought she'd make a terrific mother and only hoped that he could be as a good a father as their child needed if Monica wanted him around. Thinking back to the night the baby, if there was one might have been conceived he sighed sadly. He just hoped what he said wouldn't make her do something she'd regret.

Why had he said all those things to her that night three months ago? He could see the sadness and hurt on her face the moment the words had come out of his mouth, even though she had tried her hardest to hide them. Her beautiful features filled with sadness, and ever since that day things had changed. Their wish for distance had been granted and even though it was a decision that they had both made after that case, figuring distance would be best, it had been the loneliest time in his life, even when they were working together. They were still close, you couldn't just stop feeling all those feelings from flowing between them but it was as if there was now a gap between them. As if they could never get too close again like it was a bad thing. The friendly banter continued but after what he said it was almost as if it was out of place and he hated that.

He had told her that night that he wasn't good enough for her and that he didn't want to bring her down. He had told her that he didn't want her to be pulled even further into his dark life than she was, fearing that it would destroy the spirit of the woman he had fallen in love with. He had also told her that that night had felt like he had been taking advantage of her after all the awful events that had happened in that town and he hadn't wanted to do that.

Ever since he had been beating himself up over it because he knew that wasn't what had happened. What happened that night had been threatening to happen for a long time, it was inevitable and that night both had been willing, and what's more because of his actions it made it seem like he regretted it when in reality nothing could be further from the truth. When they were in that town, especially on that night when there was a storm just like the one which was raging overhead him now, when both of them had been snuggled up close in each other's arms on that rocker, all he had wanted to do was take her into his arms and make love to her. All he wanted now as he was reminded of that night was to have her there at his side as he was so used to having her, sitting in that empty chair which she usually filled, her hand entwined in his own.

Instead though he was alone because he had pushed her away. Distance hadn't been the best thing, it had torn them apart and he never regretted anything so much as he did this. As the storm thundered outside, the rain drumming on the window in a rhythmic beat, just how lonely he was without her hit him. All he could picture was her in his arms, happy on that stormy night like this, how good it felt to have her so close and being able to feel her heart beat against his own. He could see her smile, god he missed that smiles, and the shine of those deep brown eyes as she laughed. When he was in that town, no matter what was going on around them he was happy, and that happiness was because the woman he loved more than anything else was at his side, making everything seem brighter. Now that had changed and it was his fault.

Working together had been hard and seemed forced lately mostly due to the fact she thought he didn't want her when he did, and the fact she'd been sick and was worrying about that, and now he realised he had to do something to change it. He loved his partner, he was in love with his partner and he wanted her back in his life, not just how they were but as something more if she'd have him. He knew he was going to have to tell her how he felt or risk losing her for good, he was already losing her and he couldn't bear it. It was as if his heart ached at the very thought of not having her there. It was time to let go of his past and embrace his future, and to him she was it, and he was going to do anything to prove to her how sorry he was by running away through fear, and to prove that he loved her.

"Was that your wife?" Came a voice in his doorway.

He turned around, the frown still evident on his face, to see a nurse standing in the doorway looking at him.

"On the phone? You calling your wife?" She asked smiling.

"Ah." He replied smiling back. "Not my wife, my partner Monica." He replied.

"What's the frown for? You two arguing?" The nurse asked bringing him his meds.

John looked up at the young woman wondering whether to speak to her or not. He wasn't the type of person who could open up easily.

"Not really. I'm just kinda worried about her. I think she might be..."

"It's okay I get it. You guys are complicated right?" She questioned as he took the pills.

John just nodded.

"She obviously means a lot to you for you to be so worried about her. I can see it on your face." The nurse remarked.

John looked at her and nodded again.

"Mr Doggett, I see death in my job every day. People losing their loved ones so suddenly that no one could have seen it coming. I've learnt you should tell the people you care about how much you love them and you gotta tell them often because you never know what's gonna happen when each day comes. You could lose them. It's not worth all the fear to not say what you feel. You gotta go for it. It's not worth the regret and tears if you don't" the nurse replied heading towards the door.

"Thank you." He replied sincerely, the nurse turning around to smile before she left, new resolution in his mind to tell Monica the way he felt, and to never let her drift away from him again. He didn't think he could bear the deep ache he felt in his heart if he once again let that happen or the loneliness. She was a part of his life that made him feel whole and without her there he was empty. Whatever was wrong he wanted to help her through it, and never let her go through anything alone again, especially when she needed him as much as he thought she did. He wanted to be there for her, and he wanted to be there for the rest of their lives. 


	10. Chapter 10

Monica Reyes made her way slowly down the hospital corridor to her partner's room, half an hour later than she was supposed to pick him up due to a seemingly never ending bout of morning sickness. For a moment she stood outside watching him as he sat on top of the bed flicking between TV channels, ready to leave. Would she be able to keep this from him? At least until she decided what to do? It was so hard to stand there so close to him knowing that a part of him was within her in this child and to have decided not tell him about it. It was even harder knowing that she had been considering the fact that the best option for the child would be not to bring it in to the world.

"I can feel ya watching me you know." John Doggett told his partner as she stood in the doorway.

"How you feeling?" Monica asked him sitting down on the bed next to him and absently placing a hand on her flat stomach, rubbing it gently.

"I'm fine. Can't really see what all the fuss was about in the first place." He told her noticing the gesture.

"You okay?" He then asked her concerned. "Your stomach okay?" He asked her putting the remote down and studying her carefully hoping that he could coax out of her what was really  
the matter, hoping that she wasn't in any pain or that there weren't any complications if she was pregnant.

"I'm fine." She replied quietly putting her hand at her side.

"You look pale." He told her still looking at her carefully, trying to get her to talk but not wanting to push her if she wasn't ready.

"John could we please drop this, you're the one in hospital." She told him snappily then looking down at the bed. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you."

"Hey it's fine. You sure you're okay?" He asked again giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

She looked at him and wanted so badly to tell him everything and have him say something to make it better but it wouldn't be fair. She just gave him a small smile.

"I'm fine, I promise." She told him squeezing his hand in return. "You still want some polish sausage?" She then asked him.

His face lit up and she laughed.

"Come on I'll treat you on the way home." She then told him helping him up off the bed then making her way to the door.

John stopped suddenly as the most surreal thing happened. It was as if the room had changed around him and he had now found himself in a field covered with daisies, his partner in front of him, a little boy in her arms who she was singing softly to. She looked so radiant, so natural. As the vision became clearer he could see the child was William. Monica looked down at the infant and smiled then looked up to where John was. 'Look at the signs John...'

"John?" Came a gentle voice.

"John?" He heard called again, the worry in the voice pulling him out of the surreal vision he had just seen and back into his hospital room where his partner was standing at his side, a hand on his arm. "Is something wrong? Is it your head?" She asked worriedly.

"What signs?" He asked her looking at her puzzled.

"John what...?" She asked both scared and confused about what had just happened to him.

"You just said something about signs. You said I should look at the signs."

"No I didn't. John the last thing I said was about us leaving, then I turned round and you were stopped dead in the middle of the room like a zombie or something. Like you were in some kinda dream. What signs?"

"I dunno...I guess I musta just hit my head harder than I thought." He told her rubbing the sore part of his head in confusion as to what just happened.

"I'm gonna get the Doctor." Monica told him making her way to the door.

John gently took her arm. "You don't need to do that." He told her. "Let's just go, I'm sick of hospitals."

"John I'm not letting you leave if you still need medical care." She told him firmly.

"Well I am not staying. Mon really I'm fine."

She looked at his determined face and sighed then nodded.

"Okay, but any sign of you doing that again and you are straight back up here." She told him linking her arm in his and leading him out of the hospital and back to the SUV. 


	11. Chapter 11

Monica Reyes pulled up outside his house, her partner asleep at her side due to the painkillers he'd been given. She could hardly find it in her heart to wake him up. He looked so peaceful, his amazing blue eyes closed and his breathing soft. He had really scared her earlier in his hospital room. She didn't know what happened, and he wouldn't tell her but she prayed that he hadn't suffered a worse head injury than they thought. She didn't think she could bear that at the moment. She knew he was worried about her, she could tell by the way he spoke to her and by the way he looked at her but thankfully he hadn't guessed what was the matter. She could tell that seeing her pale and nauseous was worrying him, she wanted to tell him it was all natural and that she was perfectly healthy but in doing that she'd be letting him know the truth and for that she wasn't ready.

She'd been thinking so hard all night about the baby. She'd been awake for hours thinking about their little boy who she so wanted to protect, but the more she'd been thinking about the night he was conceived and about the implications his birth would cause she was finding it increasingly difficult to convince herself that she should go through with the pregnancy. She loved her son so much, she loved feeling him grow inside her but no matter how much she felt for her unborn child always overshadowing that was how unsafe a life he would be brought into. How unsafe she would be during the pregnancy even if herself and her partner tried to protect her. She always felt that a woman should have the right to choose, but never in her life had she imagined how hard a choice this would be and how sometimes the best choice was the most hurtful.

Turning round to look at her partner as he lay there sleeping she tenderly stroked his cheek. She wondered what he'd do if she told him. His apparently being oblivious to the fact at the moment was best but that didn't stop her from wondering whether she'd have his support or be the focus of any anger. She couldn't imagine him being angry at his unborn baby, his paternal instinct was strong but maybe he would be at her...she didn't even want to think about it.

Looking at her watch and realising she didn't have long until her doctor's appointment, and that the food she had bought for him was getting cold she gently whispered his name in his ear. Slowly he stirred, rubbing sleep out of his eyes, which then focused on her. He smiled.

"Hey." She said softly, smiling back as she saw the grin on his lips.

"You got a bit more colour in your cheeks." He told her softly then sitting up. "Musta drifted off there for a second."

"John you've been asleep pretty much as long as we've been in here. Got you your polish sausage by the way." She told him handing him a bag out of the back.

He grinned. "Mon you didn't have to if I was asleep." He told her.

"I promised I would. Besides you're right, hospital food is awful."

"You wanna come in and share these?" He asked her hoping to bridge the slight gap that had been there in their relationship since that night nearly three months ago, one that he wanted and needed to be bridged.

Monica frowned. Three months ago he'd told her that he didn't want to pull her into his life any further than she was and that he wanted to distance themselves from each other. She had been able to see where he was coming from with it all but still it had caused her so much hurt, and now he expected to just be able to fix things? What did he want? Just to have her around as a friend when he needed her and then to distance himself the rest of the time? She had never been as confused in her life as she had lately. It was obvious he cared for her but why pretend that night had never happened and just expect things to go back. She could never do that now and she didn't particularly want to.

"Mon I miss you...it's been crazy since we...Damn I dunno how to say this stuff." he told her sighing " I'm sorry if I hurt you and I know I did a pretty good job of pushin you away after we slept together. You're just so...I dunno...you're kind and carin and gentle and me, I'm nothin like that. I didn't wanna bring you down or wreck what we had cos it was special. Now I see  
I messed it up through pretending that night wasn't special. It meant a lot to me Mon, it really did, I just figured I couldn't hurt what I didn't really have."

"John..." She told him, tears welling up behind her eyes.

"I guess I'm tryin to say sorry. I'm so damned sorry. You've been in my life through some of the hardest times a guy could go through. You stuck by me and if that don't show me that you wanna be around then I must be dreamin. I was stupid to presume how you felt and I was even dumber to..."

"John I have to go..." She told him tearfully.

"Mon..."

"I have to be someplace. I'm sorry." She told him starting up the engine.

He took out the package she gave him and opened his door. Then he turned to face her.

"I really am sorry." He told her as a single tear fell down her cheek before she drove off, leaving a very confused Doggett behind.

"Damn it." He shouted kicking his trashcan before pulling out his keys and going inside. 


	12. Chapter 12

Monica Reyes sat driving in a haze of tears until finally she pulled into a park somewhere on the way to her Doctor's appointment. She wasn't due for another hour and just needed time to think about everything, to take everything which had just happened in. So now he'd realised he wanted her in his life? That he missed her? Didn't he have any idea how the words he said to her that morning had felt? She had understood why. She'd never be the kind of person who wouldn't accept what he wanted and who wouldn't go along with it when he thought what he was doing was best, but now here she was pregnant and scared and she didn't even know for sure what he wanted in regards to her in his life.

"Your daddy has to be one of the most confusing men ever kiddo." She said quietly wiping her eyes and undoing her seat belt, deciding to go outside for some fresh air.

Locking the doors she took a deep breath and lifted her eyes up to the cloudless, sunny sky. The sound of children laughing echoed around her as they played happily with their parents under the tall trees, Monica feeling an intense sadness at the sound.

Deciding to take a walk in the beautiful surroundings, a gentle breeze making the leaves sway slightly and making a soft rustling noise, Monica took off her jumper and tied it loosely around her waist. It was such a serene place to do some thinking, the swish of the leaves in the wind a comforting noise that calmed her.

Tenderly she put a hand on her stomach as she walked, thoughts of her child and partner swimming in her head. She had only discovered she was pregnant yesterday, and today she would find out for sure, but already all she could think of was the welfare of her little boy, and what kind of life she would be bringing him into if she had him. She loved her child more than anything now she knew he was there, but still John's words all those months ago had broke her heart and still thinking about them was so hard.

She knew that he loved her, he was just so afraid to admit it to her and himself, and those words that he had said earlier on today had been a huge step for him. She couldn't help but feel proud of him for that, and so happy that finally he seemed ready to take the next step with her and that he missed her and wanted her in his life no matter how dark he thought that life was. Still though it had been a shock to hear those words coming out of his mouth, especially knowing she was now carrying a child that was part of him. How would he react if she told him now? He wanted her back in his life, though she was unsure whether he just meant as a good friends and confidante or anything more, but would he still want her if he knew she was having their baby?

Or would he feel he had to be with her because of it. She knew that if she was going to go through with this pregnancy she would have to tell him, and she knew that he would be an incredible father to their little boy, but she didn't want him to feel trapped into anything, and she sure as hell didn't want him to feel that just because he loved their child meant he had to love her, or pretend that he did.

Sighing she rubbed her stomach, letting the suns warmth breathe new life into her. She carried on walking, taking in the scenery around her when she heard sobbing. Frowning she followed the sound until she found herself in a clearing of the trees where she found a little girl who looked to be around five sitting on the grass crying.

"Hey sweetie you okay?" Monica asked walking over to the little girl who looked up at her with her small tear stained face.

"It's okay I won't hurt you. I'm Monica; I work with the FBI, which is kinda like the police. You know who the police are?" Monica asked her softly kneeling down in front of her.

The child studied Monica intensely then wiped her eyes, sensing that she was safe in the hands of the gentle looking woman.

The child nodded.

"I lost my mommy." The little girl then told her softly sobbing again.

Monica moved next to the little girl and sat down, mirroring the position she was sitting in, pulling her knees up to her chest.

"What's your name honey?" Monica asked her gently.

"Molly."

"That's a pretty name." She told the child smiling. "Hey you wanna see my badge?" She then asked smiling.

The little girl nodded.

Monica pulled her ID out of her pocket and showed it to the child. "See this says I'm Monica Reyes."

"Hi." The little girl replied in her sweet little voice.

"Hi." Monica replied smiling. "Molly, you remember where you lost your mom?" Monica asked.

The little girl started to cry again.

"Shh, it's okay Molly. I'm gonna help you find your mom okay?" Monica told her stroking her long blond hair, which fell in curls over her shoulders.

The little girl nodded, her blue eyes wet with tears.

"Mommy was with Ryan. We were playing catch and the ball came in here but I couldn't find it...then I got lost and now I can't find my mom."

"Who's Ryan?" Monica asked the little girl.

"My little brother. He's this old." Molly told Monica lifting up three fingers to show his age.

Monica smiled.

"Well Molly what do you say we go for a walk and see if we can find your mommy and Ryan okay? I bet she's so worried about you."

Molly nodded.

Monica reached out her hand to the little girl, who once again studied her face before clasping her hand with her tiny fingers. The pair then got up and Monica led the little girl out of the trees, the pair of them chatting as they talked.

Monica looked down at the child as they walked. She was so small and so innocent skipping along at Monica's side, happy that someone had found her. She had looked so frightened sitting there that maternal instincts Monica wasn't even sure she had kicked in and all she wanted was for the little girl to be safe and sound and back with her mother. She pictured herself in a few years, her own child holding her hand the same as Molly was doing now, talking in his sweet little baby talk, happy to be at his mommy's side.

She pictured John walking there with them, his arm around her waist lovingly as their child ran of ahead of them in the park, John then chasing after him and tickling him until they both fell down onto the floor laughing, the little boy climbing on his daddy's chest. She pushed the image away. It was too hard to think about things like that. While her heart was telling her to have this child her head kept creating reasons why she shouldn't and as time went on and more and more reasons were created her head seemed to be winning against the will of her heart. Looking down at Molly, she imagined the form of her unborn baby growing inside her, the one which had been there with three months without her even having an inkling he was inside her womb. How could she not know he was there? What kind of mother did it make her if she couldn't even sense her own child's presence even though obvious signs had pointed to her pregnancy? She silently chided herself. This wasn't doing her or the bay any good. Right now her attention had to be focused on Molly and getting her safely back to her mom.

"My mommy's having another baby." Molly told Monica humming a tune as they walked.

"Wow. You excited?" Monica asked the child looking down at her sweet smile.

"Uh huh, she's having a little girl." Molly told Monica excitedly. "She's called Rose."

"That's a pretty name too." Monica told Molly quietly.

"If you put a hand on mommy's tummy you can feel her kick." Molly told Monica who smiled sadly, wondering what it would feel like to feel her own baby kick and whether she'd have the courage to see this through. She imagined it was the most incredible experience in the world.

"Do you have any babies?" Molly then asked.

Monica smiled at the child's directness.

"You know how your mommy has one inside her?" Monica asked.

Molly nodded.

"I do too."

"Can you feel your Rose?" Molly then asked.

"I think I'm having a little boy like Ryan and no not yet." Monica replied swinging Molly's arm as they walked, smiling at her curiosity.

"Where's your Ryan's daddy?" Molly then asked sweetly.

"He's at home." Monica told her after thinking for a moment. "He hurt his head."

"My mommy loves my daddy this much." Molly told her putting her arms out as wide as she could. "Do you love your Ryan's daddy?"

Monica looked at Molly's little face. "Yeah Molly I do."

"This much?" Molly asked opening her arms.

"Yeah this much." Monica said mirroring her and then smiling as the little girl giggled.

"Mommy!" The little girl shouted as they came out of the trees, Molly mother frantically looking for her, her little boy clinging on to her arm tightly.

"Molly honey?" The heavily pregnant woman shouted looking at Monica and her little girl and then running over.

"Go to your mom Molly." Monica told the little girl pointing at Molly's worried mother and smiling as the little girl ran over to her and up into her mother's arms, snuggling her neck against her mother's as the woman walked over.

"Oh god, I was so worried. Where was she?" She asked Monica holding on to Molly tightly.

"She was in the woods. She got lost looking for a ball." Monica explained.

"Molly honey, I was so worried. Don't do that again okay?" She told the little girl kissing her on the forehead. "Thank you so much." She told Monica.

"It's fine. You have a lovely little girl." Monica replied, a hand on her stomach.

"Thank you. You always have to keep an eye on them you know? Can't let them out of your sight for a minute or anything could happen. Especially when they're this age." She told Monica hugging her daughter tightly.

Monica nodded wondering how she'd be able to spend enough time with her son doing her job to be able to keep an eye on him and give him all the love he deserved. She never knew what she was facing when she went to work, she had been hurt doing the job already and there was no way she could bear the thought of leaving her little boy without a parent because of her being part of something so uncertain.

"Are you okay?" Molly's mother asked Monica snapping her out of her thoughts.

"Monica's having a baby." Molly told her mother, putting her small thumb in her mouth and sighing tiredly.

"Congratulations. This your first?" The woman asked.

Monica nodded.

"Sorry if I scared you about having to keep an eye on them, I mean you do, but they are so worth everything. I couldn't imagine being without my babies." She told Monica looking at her children. "Even if they do get adventurous and run off..." the woman said to her daughter who nuzzled her head against her mother's neck.

Monica looked at all the children playing around her, one little boy about five was learning to ride his bike and fell off crying, his father running over and picking him up then swinging him in the air and making him smile. A set of twins was jumping rope with their older sister.

They all looked so happy, and watching them she found herself feeling wistful and angry at the choice she had to make. In all reality she would love to have this child, but so many things about having it now kept being brought to the front of her mind.

Her job wasn't safe for a pregnant woman, or for a parent with a young child. All the trials Scully had faced with William and threats to his life were proof of that. Then there was her relationship with John. She had no idea where that was going. She knew she loved him, she knew he loved her, but things were always so much more complicated than that with them. Was he finally able to let go of his past and look to his future? One that he could spend with her and their child if she decided to go through with this? Or did he just want her around as before? Where there was a constant promise of something more blossoming, but something that was never acted upon through fear. An equation where a child didn't really fit.

Then there was her worry about John thinking she might have done it to trap him into something, or that she was trying to replace Luke. She would never do either. She had too much respect for him and his feelings to ever even consider doing that, but still she worried he'd feel that way, and still she worried she could never be a good enough mother who would be able to give her child all the love he deserved.

Looking at all those happy families she could feel sadness welling up inside her.

"Well I have to get going. I have a doctor's appointment. You be good for your mom okay Molly?" Monica told the little girl who nodded.

The woman smiled. "Thank you Monica for bringing my little girl back to me safe and sound, and congratulations. I hope everything's fine for you at the Doctor's."

"Thanks." Monica replied sincerely. "Bye Molly." She told the little girl who gave her a small wave before Monica made her way back to the SUV.

Climbing in and sitting down she looked out of the window once more at Molly and her family who were now happily playing and she smiled. Then sighing quietly she drove to the Doctor's where she would prepare herself to make a choice that would change the rest of her life. 


	13. Chapter 13

Monica sat nervously in the Doctor's surgery, fiddling with her ring as she waited for the Doctor to either confirm she was pregnant or tell her it was a false alarm. If the doctor had told her she wasn't pregnant she wasn't sure what she would do. It was as if she could sense her baby within her and to be told he wasn't there would break Monica's heart. Still in a way though she felt that if she wasn't pregnant she would be relieved because the choice she had to make wouldn't be there anymore and for that she was angry with herself. A child's life wasn't to be taken lightly, especially if she was the one responsible for it.

The Doctor, a kind looking woman with a warm smile sat down in front of Monica and gave her a reassuring smile.

"Miss Reyes we have the results of your pregnancy test..."

Monica took a deep breath.

"And it does confirm that you are pregnant."

Monica nodded looking down at the table.

"I'd like to do an examination to make sure everything's okay and that your child is healthy. Is that all right with you?" The Doctor asked.

"Uh yeah." Monica replied in shock. She had known she was pregnant, she had sensed her child but now to have it confirmed made everything so much more real and the choice so much more harder on her.

The Doctor motioned for Monica to lay on the examination table and proceeded to examine Monica's abdomen.

Monica studied the Doctor's face as she proceeded with the examination, looking for any indication as to something being wrong. The thought of it scaring her to death.

"Everything appears to be just fine Monica. Mother and baby are perfectly healthy. How have you been in yourself?" The doctor then asked as Monica sat up and pulled her shirt down over her flat stomach and swung her legs over the edge of the bed.

"Okay I think. Kinda emotional and a bit scared. I think I knew he was here before I had it confirmed today." She told the woman putting a hand on her stomach.

"He?" The Doctor asked smiling.

"It's a boy...I dunno how, I just know it." Monica explained. "I guess it sounds really stupid huh."

The Doctor shook her head. "Sometimes a mother just knows." She replied. "Have you been eating properly?"

"I only did the test yesterday but I've been trying. The nausea makes it hard though."

"That's understandable. Are you managing to keep food down?" The Doctor asked.

Monica nodded.

"That's good. If that changes you should come back and see me. You should also start taking folic vitamins and drinking plenty of milk for the baby. Try to avoid coffee and things like that."

"I'm tired a little more than usual, but other than that and the nausea and a few mood swings I've been fine." Monica replied. "Is that normal?"

"That's good. It's a natural part of pregnancy, nothing to worry about Well from your examination and from when you told me you last menstruated I can determine you're at least ten weeks pregnant. That means your baby's due early May next year...Monica is there something you'd like to talk to me about?" The Doctor asked sensing her sadness.

"I wouldn't know where to start." Monica admitted looking at the woman sadly.

"Monica if you need to talk then please feel free, nothing you say leaves this room. Is this something you can talk about with the baby's father?"

"I can't tell him about the baby. It's complicated." She added.

"Are you confused about what to do about this pregnancy Monica?"

Monica nodded tears staring to flow.

"God these hormones..." she started wiping her eyes. "I don't think I can go through with this pregnancy...I want to but I can't. Does that make me a bad person?" Monica asked quietly.

"No Monica it doesn't make you a bad person." The Doctor replied.

"I'm a FBI agent. My job is so dangerous and everyday I'd feel as if I was risking my child's life. Just yesterday this guy pointed a gun at my stomach and I felt so helpless and so scared for my child...and what if I do have him and something happens to me and he gets left without a mother? The thought of that terrifies me."

The Doctor settled back in her chair letting Monica talk about everything she needed to get out of her system.

"The baby's father's my partner. We spent a night together after a hard case, and the morning after we did he pushed me away for reasons I don't really want to discuss because they're his and it's not my right to. He lost a son before and something's been threatening to happen between us for a long time, he said he wanted to distance himself from it and now this has happened and I'm so scared he'll feel as if I'm trying to trap him or replace the son he's lost. Then just today he decides he wants me around in his life and that he's missed me and screwed up, but that was without him knowing about this child and I'm so worried how he'll react if I tell him."

"Monica you can't know how he's going to react until you talk to him about this."

"How's he going to react if I tell him about our baby and then terminate? It'd kill him and I can't do that to him."

"So you'd rather keep it to yourself and go through it alone?"

"It's the only way." Monica replied sadly. "You don't know how much I want to tell him about this. I want to so bad but its best for him if I don't. It really is."

"Monica I can see that you love this child but I can also see why you're considering everything so carefully. Your lifestyle isn't perfect and maybe you aren't ready for motherhood, but nobody thinks they are until they experience it. So maybe you are. The love is there, I can see that you're thinking of your baby above all else even if that means terminating. Have you considered adoption? Is there family who could help with the baby if you keep it?"

"My parents are in Mexico and I know they'd be willing to help but I couldn't ask that of them being so far away. I've thought about adoption. I was adopted myself and my adoptive parents are so incredible. I know someone could give my child a good life. It's just giving him up would be so hard and when it comes down to it, if I go ahead with the pregnancy only to give my baby to another couple when I'm carrying it for nine months with so many risks to consider. Could I put myself and my child through all that?"

"Monica I'm sure if you want this baby you can find a way."

"Do you have the number of a clinic?" She asked trying to stay strong.

The Doctor nodded writing down a number and passing it to the tearful agent.

"Think this through carefully. At least promise me you'll do that." The doctor asked. "And if you change your mind come back and we'll fix up antenatal appointments."

Monica nodded.

"Thank you." She told the woman sincerely; slowly rising from the chair and leaving the room then rushing out to her SUV as tears fell.

"I am so sorry baby." She said quietly turning on the engine and heading home.

Lying on her bed that night, the gentle rain that fell outside soothing her, she thought of her partner and her child.

"Its not because I don't love you sweetie, it's far from it but I just can't do this by myself. I don't think I'm cut out to be a mommy and I want you to be safe and with me doing my job you won't be, not even inside me like you are now. I love you and I love your daddy, and I want you to know that this hasn't been easy for me. I'm your mom and I love you, but honey I don't want to bring you into something so uncertain where you could be at risk. I couldn't bear that. I can't put you in danger. I hope that one day you will look down on me and forgive me. I hope that one day I'll forgive myself for the choice I'm making...I'm just so sorry." She whispered to her unborn child, sobbing until she was so tired that she fell asleep. 


	14. Chapter 14

Two weeks and lots of thinking later, a very sad Monica Reyes sat in the clinic waiting room, her appointment approaching fast. John had been so worried about her these last two weeks, the sickness that came every day as a reminder of her baby boy scaring him to death. He still had no idea about their child, or if he did he wasn't letting on but she could see he was trying his hardest to prove to her he had meant what he said that morning she took him home from hospital. He had missed her just the same as she had him and he wanted her in his life. Would he ever forgive her if he found out what she was doing today?

She hated to think how much this would hurt him. She knew he'd love their child no matter what, and to her losing his love would be the hardest thing in the world. All she had done these past two weeks was think. Every day she could feel the life within her grow and strengthen, and the love she felt for him grow as he did and yet still she was sitting here because doubts had won over everything her heart was telling her to do.

Her heart was screaming for her to keep this child. Her head was telling her all the reasons why she shouldn't, but if she truly wanted him, if she truly loved her son she could do this couldn't she? She could go through with this pregnancy, have her child and watch him grow up into a young man as handsome and kind as his father? She would find a way to make it work if she loved her baby wouldn't she? Motherhood was something Monica had considered, but not so soon and not in a situation like this. She loved her son though from the very day she found out he as there. Even though the doubts had been there she had been eating properly, she'd been doing anything she could to protect him and she'd been telling her child how much she loved him. That had to mean she was ready didn't it? It had to mean that while she had doubts she could overcome them if she really wanted to and that it wasn't too late?

Rubbing her eyes, tired from lack of sleep she was startled out of her thoughts by a gentle voice at her side.

"Miss Reyes, I'm afraid we're running a little behind. Your appointments been put back half an hour, is that okay?"

Monica looked at the young nurse whose voice was so sad and sympathetic. She nodded.

"I think I'm gonna go for a walk." Monica then told her getting up.

"Take as much time as you need." The nurse replied understandingly as Monica left the waiting room and made her way down the corridors not knowing where she was going but just following wherever her legs were taking her.

Monica looked around her as she walked, at the heavily pregnant women waiting to deliver or waiting for ultrasounds, some with their husbands and partners at their sides their hands protectively on their lover's stomachs as their baby kicked underneath or rubbing their sore backs in soothing motions. She imagined what it would be like if John was aware he was going to be a father. She wondered whether he'd be that protective of her and their baby during the pregnancy, whether he'd talk to their son while resting his head on the bump a it grew or cover her growing stomach in butterfly kisses as he told her he loved her.

Thinking about that brought tears to her eyes, he really would be a loving father, that was something she knew ever since she discovered she was pregnant but what if she had their son and he thought he had to love her because of the baby. She would never want to trap him into that, she would never want him to think he had to love her as much as it would hurt her for him to only love their child. He had told her he missed her, that he knew he screwed things up but what if he wasn't ready for the whole package now? She knew deep down he loved her but he had never told her. Not really. Could he love her and their baby boy?

Watching all those couples made her heart ache with longing to just be able to forget all the reasons why she shouldn't keep this baby and just walk out right now. It made her long for John's support in this, for his touch, for his strong arms to hold her as she told him she was carrying their little boy and she wanted him more than she had anything in her life. Even as she thought this her doubts resurfaced, the reason why she was here making her want to cry in frustration as she struggled with whether it really was the best thing for their child.

No matter what he was her little boy and he was here, whether planned or not and now she was in the hospital she wasn't sure she could go through with this. She and John had created this baby on a night she knew meant a lot more to both of them than either would freely admit. Could a baby created, as the result of that really be something other than a blessing? Could she really not have him when he had been created with the man she loved more than she ever had anyone before, with so much depth and passion it scared even her? Now she wasn't so sure.

Wiping the tears that fell from her eyes she finally found herself outside the nursery where all the newborn children lay cooing and gurgling in their incubators, little girls covered in pink blankets and boys in blue. They were so small, their tiny features so perfect. It was hard to believe that she was carrying one of those little people inside of her right at that moment. It was even scarier to think that in six months she could be standing outside this nursery looking in at her own baby like the other parents she could see around her holding hands, arms around each other's waists as they looked in on their tiny, perfect bundles of joy.

Monica put a hand up to the glass sadly, wondering what her little boy would look like when he grew up. She imagined what it would be like to feel him moving inside her, kicking or with the hiccups. She wondered what it would feel like to hear his heartbeat on an ultrasound, to feel him grow within her, to hold him for the first time and to count his tiny little fingers and toes and to kiss his soft cheeks. She wondered what mannerisms he'd have, what sort of things he'd like, what it'd be like to hear him say mommy or daddy for the first time or even take his first step. There was so much she wondered about her little boy. She imagined him to have eyes just the same as his father's. Eyes that were a deep blue that sent shivers down her spine with their beauty. She could picture him having her smile and colouring, but being so much like John personality wise that he would be daddy's little boy. But what if it was all wishful thinking and John would run away from this? He'd been so scared in the past to admit his feelings for her, now what would he do if she told him that it wasn't just her anymore and that they'd created a baby? Would he finally be ready to admit that he loved her?

Monica rested her forehead against the glass when she felt a presence behind her. Turning around she saw a young woman in her early twenties and obviously around seven months pregnant standing and looking in the nursery window sadly just as she was.

"Your baby in there?" The young woman asked looking in the nursery then turning to Monica.

Monica looked at her and shook her head.

"How far along are you?" The woman then asked softly.

Monica looked at the floor. "Three months. You?"

"Seven. Not long to go now." She replied rubbing her swollen stomach. "I've got a scan today. You wouldn't believe how much I have to pee." The woman told Monica smiling. "I'm Katie." She then told Monica warmly.

"Monica." She replied smiling back in spite of her sadness.

"Well Monica you got the whole baby on the bladder thing to look forward to." Katie joked making Monica smile. "You waiting for your husband?" Katie then asked lowering herself down onto an empty chair next to the nursery.

Monica hesitated sadly for a moment looking at the floor.

"Uh...no I'm not. I'm not married...The father...he's not my husband. It's complicated." She told Katie sighing.

"Complicated seems to be about all there is lately." Katie replied, Monica nodding in agreement.

"You waiting for yours?" Monica then asked.

Katie looked sadly at the floor. "My baby's father was killed before I even told him there was a baby so I'm here on my own too."

"I'm so sorry." Monica told her.

"Me too." Katie replied sadly. "He wanted so much to have children. We'd only been married a year...we were both cops. He got shot on duty and died. He never knew about this little one." She told Monica patting her stomach. "You here for a scan?" Katie then asked.

"I'm here for...I have an appointment for a termination. They put it back and I needed to get out of that waiting room so I came for a walk."

"Wanna talk about it?" Katie asked. "I got time."

"I don't want to trouble you with my problems." Monica replied softly.

"Really it's no problem. I'm the one who offered. Besides I'm always willing to lend an ear." Katie replied shuffling on her chair until she was comfortable.

"I'm not sure I can go ahead with this termination. Before I wasn't sure I could go through with the pregnancy but every day I fall further in love with this child and now I'm here and I don't know what to do."

"Where's your baby's dad?" Katie then asked quietly.

"John doesn't know about our child."

"Why not?" Katie asked confused.

"Because I'm afraid. The night after this baby was conceived he told me he didn't want to pull me further into his life and that while he didn't regret it he wanted to distance himself from it and he wanted us to be just friends. He's already lost a son and I don't want him to think I'm trying to replace that little boy who he loved so much. I don't want him to think I'm trying to trap him. Most of all because now he wants me back and what if that doesn't include our child. Why tell him about our baby when I'm not even sure whether to have him?" Monica asked tearfully.

"Because he's your baby's father. I never told Adam about our baby because I wasn't sure what to do and then he was killed. He would've been a great daddy. He would've supported me and the reason I didn't tell him was that I was scared. We were cops. How could we raise a child? How could I be pregnant doing a job so unsafe but one that I loved? Then when Adam was gone I realised a part of him was in the baby he would've loved so much I realised I should have told him and most of all I realised I loved our baby girl because she was something we both created. I was petrified but I decided to keep her, and now every time I feel her move I think of Adam and how I wish he had been a part of it. You never know when the people you love are gonna be taken away Monica, you should embrace them and your love for them, not run away because its the easy option."

"I do love our child Katie; I love him so much." She told the young woman putting a hand on her stomach and looking at the tiny babies in the nursery.

"I can see that and I can understand why you're scared. You're job isn't the safest like mine wasn't and this is obviously your first baby...everyone's scared when its their first but Monica you love your baby, that's all that matters. Screw everything else. If you love him you'll find a way to sort things out so you can have him because once you go through with the termination you can't go back."

"I already love him so much; I can feel him growing inside of me every day. How can I not keep a baby who I can't wait to feel kick inside me, or to grow? I want to do this Katie; I want to have my son." Monica told Katie smiling. "Any love I have for him outweighs any reasons why I should have this termination. He may not have been planned but the further that this pregnancy's progressed the more I've realised I'm ready for this. It doesn't mean I'm not petrified but I'm so ready. I can work everything else out right?"

"Yeah. I did, and I tell you something every time you feel your baby hiccup or move or kick you're gonna be so glad you didn't go through with the termination because you were scared. You got a perfect little person inside of you, a part of you and his daddy. He's a blessing."

"Yeah he is, but I still don't know how in the world to tell his father. I don't think I could bear it if he was angry with me."

"You gotta take the risk. You love his father right?"

Monica nodded.

"Then tell him. If he didn't love you your son wouldn't have been conceived in the first place and he wouldn't have told you he wanted you back in his life after saying what he did. He must have missed you like crazy Monica. He's probably scared as hell of losing you or hurting you and that's why he's reluctant. You have to tell him about your child because if something happened to him tomorrow would you be able to live with yourself if you didn't? Pregnancy isn't the easiest thing to go through alone, you're going to need support and if he loves you as much as you love him he's going to offer it. Take that chance Monica and tell him about your baby. He deserves to know he's going to be a daddy, its up to him what he does when he finds out." Katie told her gently.

"Thank you." Monica told her gratefully. "Thanks for not letting me make a mistake today." She added, a hand tenderly resting on her belly.

"I don't think you would've even if I hadn't been here because you're right, you already do love him so much." Katie replied. "Just like I love little Sarah here." Katie replied rubbing her tummy.

"Miss Roberts? We're ready for your scan now." A nurse told Katie approaching her.

Katie smiled and slowly slid out of the chair. "Hey why don't you come? I normally have my mother here but she couldn't come today and I'd love the company. You can see what you've got to look forward to." Katie said to Monica smiling.

Monica thought about it for a minute and then turned to the nurse. "Would that be okay?" She asked.

The nurse looked at Katie then back at Monica and then nodded, the two women following her to the room where Katie was to have her ultrasound scan.

For the first time in the last few weeks, her decision made to keep her unborn child, Monica felt at peace and when she saw the tiny image of Katie's unborn daughter on the screen and heard her strong heartbeat fill the room she knew she had made the right choice. She looked at the screen amazed as the nurse pointed out to a tearful Katie her child's tiny hands and feet and that she was perfectly healthy. In a few days she'd be having her first scan, and she'd see her little boy for the first time. She couldn't imagine what it would be like to see your own child inside of you like Katie was now. What it would fee like to hear its heartbeat or to feel your child move and watch as your body changed to accommodate his growing form inside, but soon she would know. Soon she'd feel all those things. She was going to be a mother. She was going to have a child. She just hoped John would be a part of it too.

"It's a beautiful sound huh?" Katie asked Monica turning to face her and giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

"Yeah, it's amazing. My little boy's growing inside me just like that. Wow."

Katie smiled. "Yeah he is. In a few months you're not going to be able to walk, you're going to have to pee loads and you're going to feel huge...but it is so worth it to hear this noise." Katie told her smiling and looking at the screen.

They were suddenly interrupted by a knock at the door. The same young nurse who had spoken to Monica earlier put her head around the door.

"Miss Reyes they're ready for you now." She told Monica quietly.

Monica looked at the ultrasound screen and the image of Katie's unborn daughter, then at Katie and then at the hand that lay protectively over her own stomach. She gave Katie's hand a gentle squeeze and smiled.

"I'm not going to need the appointment. I've decided I'm going to go ahead with this pregnancy. I'm sorry for any hassle I've caused..."

"Miss Reyes it's no problem. You made the choice that is right for you. That's no hassle." The nurse told Monica smiling. "You take care of yourself and your baby." She added before leaving the room.

Monica looked at Katie who was now sitting up. She walked over to the young woman and gave her a hug. "Thank you so much for this...for today but right now I gotta go tell my unsuspecting best friend that he's gonna be a father. You take care of yourself and little Sarah okay?" Monica told the young woman, extremely grateful to have met her.

"I will, and you take care of him too, and yourself. Monica you're going to have a great little family...the father will take care of you both I promise you and today was no problem really. It was lovely to meet you."

Monica hugged her again.

"Good luck." She whispered in Monica's ear in regards to John.

"Thank you." Monica whispered squeezing Katie's hand and then patting her belly. "Bye." She told her softly taking a deep breath and then leaving the room, walking along the corridors of the clinic, looking at all the pregnant women and thinking how that was going to be her.

As she made her way outside she saw a couple walking into the clinic hand in hand. Sighing she pulled out her cell phone and keyed in John's number. As it rung she tried to think how she would break this to him. Should she tell him straight out or just break it to him gently? Would it really make any difference?

She was interrupted from her thoughts by her partner's voice.

"Monica? That you? Hello?"

She could immediately tell he had been asleep. He had been tired in the SUV. She could just imagine him sitting there, his hair all over the place and his striking blue eyes half closed as he picked up his cell. He sounded so sweet and fragile that as soon as she heard his voice she couldn't bring herself to tell him. She wanted to so bad. She wanted to tell him and for him to tell her it was okay and that he loved her and was with her in this, or at least that she had his support but instead she lost her nerve and just stood there feeling like an idiot.

"Monica? Hey Mon you there? You okay?" He asked worriedly.

As he sat there, silence on the other end of his phone but his partner's name flashing on the screen, he found himself reliving the vision he had at the hospital that morning. He was back in that daisy-covered field, his partner in front of him singing softly to a little boy. This time when he walked up to them the child she was holding was not William, it was a child he had never seen before who had the bluest eyes but a face just like Monica's. She looked up at him and smiled then passed the child to him. It felt as though he was actually holding the young baby boy in his arms. 'Look at the signs.' he heard again before finding himself back in his room confused as hell, Monica having shut off her cell phone and the line going dead.

"Something strange is goin on here." He muttered under his breath, sighing in frustration and wondering what those visions or whatever they were that he was having could possibly mean. 


	15. Chapter 15

Monica Reyes drove until she found herself at the park she had visited earlier on in the day when she had met little Molly and her family. She was frustrated with herself for not being able to tell John and she needed some time to calm down and think about how to do it and when.

Climbing out of the SUV and taking a deep breath of air Monica made her way over to the shade of a large tree. Settling herself down she sat watching all the families playing together, fathers with their little girls on their shoulders, mothers reading to their sons, whole families playing catch or just enjoying being in each other's company. She hoped one day her son would have that. Watching all those other families made her wistful that her son would have both a mother and a father. If she had to do this alone she would, and she'd do anything to ensure her child's happiness but deep down she hoped that John would be a part of this.

Sitting there watching as children laughed happily she pictured herself, John and their child here one day too, as a family, herself and John either side of their son as he held their hands and they swung him as they walked. She couldn't imagine anything more wonderful than John playing ball with their son as she watched, or John carrying him on his shoulders as she walked at their side. He truly would be a great father if he was as ready to embrace fatherhood as she was motherhood. Now all she had to do was tell him.

After watching the children for a little while longer, and finding herself calmed by her surroundings Monica finally decided that the time was right to tell her partner about the existence of their child. Taking a deep breath, new focus in her mind she walked back to her SUV, smiling at the joyful sound of all of the children surrounding her and imagining her own child happily laughing like that after his birth.

Pulling up outside John's house a little while later, different scenarios and reactions of her partner to her news playing out in her head all the way there, she looked nervously at the windows to see if there were lights on. There were. He was at home and that meant she was really going to have to do this. Why did it always seem that when you wanted time to go slower it sped up just to spite you and make you get things over with sooner than you wanted to?

Sighing and bracing herself she took a deep breath and walked to his doorway. She hesitated before knocking. This was going to be the moment that would make or break their relationship and part of her didn't want to face up to the fact she might lose him. For a few minutes she stood there gathering any courage she could find within her, then resting a hand on her stomach she smiled softly and found the strength she needed.

"Here goes kiddo." She whispered ringing the bell.

After what seemed like forever her partner opened his door. He was dressed in jeans and a chest hugging T-shirt but still he looked as handsome as ever, and his striking blue eyes were looking right at her in what she could see was concern.

"Mon you okay? You called earlier and..." He started looking at her intensely.

"I have something I need to tell you." She told him softly cutting him off.

He frowned. "You wanna come in?" He asked her softly and knowingly.

"Uhm, yeah maybe. You might wanna sit down." She told him nervously.

"Okay..." he replied motioning for her to come in, then closing the door behind her and frowning as she entered his lounge. "Mon what the hell is going on? You have any idea how worried I've been about you lately? And what happened earlier on? You phoned but you weren't there when I answered?" He asked her sitting down on the chair.

Monica took a deep breath then stood in front of him cupping his cheek with her hand. "John I'm sorry, this is so hard." She told him gently. "And I don't know how to even start to tell you this..."

"What is it?" He asked placing a hand on top of hers where it rested on his cheek.

She knelt in front of him looking right into his eyes. "That night...John you left me with a little more than both of us expected." She told him quietly.

For a moment he just sat there looking at her dazed as she finally confirmed what he had already guessed was going on inside of her. Then he looked at the hand that rested on her abdomen and for the first time in the last three months he knew for sure what he had suspected was going on inside his partner was right.

"You sayin you're...?" He asked, motioning to her stomach.

She followed his gaze, then looked deep into those intense eyes. She tried so hard to identify what emotions she could see in them. She could tell he was shocked, other than that she had no clue.

She nodded then looked at the floor.

"You're pregnant?" He asked again.

Monica nodded. "John I didn't mean for it to happen, I want you to know that, and I want you to know that I'm not trying to replace Luke by giving you a new son and I'm not trying to trap you into anything. . It just happened. It wasn't planned and it wasn't expected, but now I've thought about it I'm sure I want this child." She told him smiling slightly as she looked down at her stomach.

He opened his mouth to speak but she put a finger over his lips and carried on, scared that if she stopped she wouldn't be able to say everything she wanted to.

"I was so scared to tell you after what you said that morning, I already thought you regretted us sleeping together and when you said you wanted things to go back to how they were, when I found out I just freaked out...I guess I thought you'd be angry..."

"Monica I..."

"I've thought and thought about this John and I'm going to do this. He's a part of us, the both of us and I can't not have him because I love him so much and I hope you can too. All I want to do is protect him and care for him...I was never even sure I was maternal before this happened but our baby's the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning and the last thing before I sleep...except maybe you." She added softly. "I'm sorry if you think I shouldn't have this child but he's a part of me and I can't not bring him into this world. I don't expect anything off you except maybe your support as his father. I'm willing to do this on my own no matter how hard it is just because I love our son so much and..."

"Monica..." he tried again trying to get her to calm down a little so he could talk to her. So he could tell her that he had suspected about the baby and so had thought about this and didn't see it as something bad, but rather something beautiful.

"I just thought you should know." She told him stroking his cheek and then getting up and then quickly leaving the room.

"What that's it? You aren't going to let me say anythin'?" He asked her wanting to express his love for her and their child.

She turned to look at him and smiled sadly and he was sure she thought he was angry. There was fear in her eyes of being hurt again and pushed away, and at that moment he wished so hard that he hadn't said what he did that morning. She should know him better than that, he could never be angry at her, not about something like this.

"I'm scared John." She whispered softy, a single tear falling down her cheek against her will.

He walked up to her and put her hands on her shoulder and looked straight into her eyes.

"You don't gotta be scared." He told her softly wiping the tear away from her cheek with his thumb.

"I have to go..." she told him suddenly unable to stand there any longer, unsure about what he was feeling. She knew she should stay and talk and find out his feelings and what part he wanted to play in this pregnancy but after the day she'd had all she wanted was to take some time to herself for her and the child.

"Mon, we have to talk about this...you can't just..."

"I have to, I'm sorry." She told him rushing out of the door

He ran after her.

"Monica..." he shouted as she climbed into her SUV. "Monica this is our kid..." he shouted again.

She turned to look at him and nodded then started up the engine. She looked at him again giving him a little wave and then drove off.

"And I love you both..." he whispered, standing there alone in his doorway under the light of the stars. "I'm gonna be a daddy..." he whispered with a little smile promising himself he would do anything he could to make sure Monica knew he was there, that he supported her, and that he didn't just want her but he wanted them both. 


	16. Chapter 16

John Doggett walked down the corridors of the FBI nervously wondering what the day was going to bring. After Monica left his house last night, as much as he'd wanted to call his partner he could see that she was pretty worked up and so had decided to leave any talking until today in the privacy of their office. He didn't want her to get in any more of a state than she was for fear of it being bad for their unborn child. He didn't want to risk her health or their baby's. He'd never seen her as frightened as she was when she told him about their baby and when he had seen her that scared he knew that it was partly to do with those words he had said that had caused the both of them so much hurt.

Words about distance and going back to how things were when it was obvious both were ready to take the next step and had been for a long long time. Holding her in her arms that night he felt whole. He felt within him something that blinded him. A kind of love he had never experienced before and a kind of love he had never felt except maybe for Luke. Now he had found out that night they had brought a child into being, one which Monica seemed convinced was a little boy, and all John wanted to do was hold her and be there as that tiny life grew within her and protect them both from all that threatened them.

He had hardly slept a wink last night planning what he was going to say to his partner today and thinking about all the things he wanted to do with their son after he was born. He didn't just want to be a weekend father; he wanted to be fully involved in all aspects of his child's life and in his child's mother's. She was the most unique, beautiful and incredible human being he had ever met. Her love for him was unconditional, as was his for her, though he had never faced up to the overwhelming care he felt for her until now. In the past all he had done was run away, but now he was sick of running. She was always there for him both when he wanted her there and when he didn't but was too polite to tell her he needed time to himself. Now was his turn to be there for her. He remembered how frightened Barbara had been when she had first discovered she was pregnant with Luke, he didn't want Monica to be that afraid and alone, not when she had someone there that loved her as he did and someone who loved their child. He could honestly say he was excited about impending fatherhood, now all he had to  
do was convince Monica.

Nodding in greeting to other people as he passed and getting strange looks because of the uncharacteristic smile that had been planted on his lips ever since he had heard the news coming from his partner's, he made his way to their basement office. He had been trying to think of what to say ever since she had left and still he had no idea. He wasn't the kind of man that was good with words or talking about his feelings and everything that he thought of to say he decided sounded stupid and it was quickly forgotten. All he knew was he had to tell her what was in his heart and that was that he loved her and this child more than he ever thought possible and that he was ready to be a daddy and everything Monica needed.

Stopping outside the office door he paused and took a deep breath, then when he had finally summoned enough strength he entered, only he wasn't greeted by his partner but instead Assistant Director Skinner and Agent Dana Scully.

"What's goin' on? Where's Monica?" He asked stopping dead in his tracks and looking around the office. "Nothin's happened to her has it?" She's okay right?" He asked worriedly.

"Agent Reyes has taken some personal leave. Agent Scully has agreed to temporarily fill in as your partner while Agent Reyes is off." Skinner told him.

"But she's okay right?" Doggett asked again fearing that something had happened to her or the baby.

"I take it Agent Reyes hadn't mentioned taking leave to you?" Skinner told him.

"No she hadn't. Is she okay sir?" Doggett asked, his blue eyes shining with worry.

"When I spoke to her she seemed fine. She just needs some time to come to terms with personal issues I take it you know something about."

John looked at the floor and nodded.

"Agent Doggett you and Agent Reyes are two of my best agents and one of my best teams. You compliment each other and work well together. Monica didn't go into details about why she was off but I hope nothing's going on here that is going to compromise your working together..."

John looked at the floor. "No Sir." He told Skinner quietly not wanting to give Skinner any reason to guess what was going on until both he and Monica were ready to.

Skinner nodded and made his way to the door then turning back again and looking at Doggett thoughtfully he left.

"Agent Doggett?"

Doggett turned around and looked at Scully who had just spoken to him. He could see sadness on her face and could tell she was thinking about Mulder. The man she loved who couldn't be with her.

"It's obvious to everyone here you two have something that people strive for years to create between them. You have chemistry and I've seen you run from it before. Don't make the mistake of losing her if you love her that much. It's not worth it. If you love someone it's not worth all the regret if you don't do something about it because pretty soon it could be too late. I know there are rules, but the X-Files isn't a normal area of work and its not easy to face the world with someone who isn't a part of the equation. You two fit together. You compliment each other...don't make a mistake and end up letting her go and being alone. Life's already too lonely a place." Scully told him softly. "Monica's sweet and kind...she cares about you...she's good for you. Don't let her get away." Scully added smiling sadly before leaving the room and a very thoughtful Doggett behind. 


	17. Chapter 17

Agent John Doggett sat outside the FBI headquarters, the sun lighting up his face and a gentle breeze blowing softly against his skin. He had never realised how lonely the office was without Monica there with him and he sure as hell had never realised until just recently what an important part of his life she had become. While Scully was a good partner and an excellent agent there was still a gaping hole left when Monica wasn't at his side, and it was one he knew couldn't be filled until she was back. He missed her, he missed seeing her sunny smiles, hearing her theories no matter how out there he thought some of them were, watching her try her hardest to get the pencils out of the ceiling Mulder had thrown up there during his time in the office. He felt lost. The same as he had done after he made his previous choice that brought distance to their relationship. Now all he wanted was to make things right.

Picking up his cell phone he dialled her home number hoping to catch her so they could talk. Instead he got her machine. He wasn't the kind of guy who usually liked to leave messages but when it came to Monica and their baby he thought a break with the norm was probably a good idea. He didn't want her to think he didn't care about them or that he wasn't serious about fatherhood because he was. He wanted her to know he missed her and if she needed time off he'd let her have it, but still he'd let her know he cared.

Taking a deep breath and quietly cursing as he really hated these machines he started to speak.

"Hi Mon it's me...it's John. I hate these machines; this'd better be working. Anyways Skinner told me you'd taken some leave and I just wanted...I wanted to say that...damn it Mon I miss you. I've missed you since I pushed you away the morning after our baby was conceived, even when we were workin together it felt different somehow and it kills me inside to know I was the cause of that. I pushed you away an' I'm so sorry...god I feel stupid sittin outside the FBI tellin ya how much I love ya cos I do...you and our baby Monica...OK look, I'll try and call again later when you're home. You take care okay Mon? Bye.." He finished sighing and hanging up. He hoped they could talk soon because this being apart from her was hurting like it had never hurt before.

Monica Reyes, wrapped in a towel after hurrying out of the shower when the phone rang sighed to discover the moment she had gotten out the phone had stopped and the machine had gotten the call. She had been expecting her partner to call and wanted to catch him when he did because like him she thought they needed to talk. She hadn't really given him a chance the previous night, she had got scared and left and she felt guilty for it.

Seeing that the light on the machine was flashing signifying a message she frowned. John wasn't usually an answer phone kind of guy, especially one to leave messages on them. He tended to get pretty uncomfortable using them. Pressing the play button she sat down, smiling to herself as she heard him cursing about using the machine before he started to speak.

Sitting down on the sofa she listened as her partner poured out his heart the best that he could in front of the FBI building where they worked. Tears welled in her eyes as she listened to his heartfelt words; ones she knew were sincere enough for him to feel he had to say them no matter where he was or what the circumstances were. It must have taken a lot for him to do that, she knew that from the very bottom of her own heart and she knew that his love for her and their child was true. He wanted the both of them and that meant so much to her. This child was a part of the both of them and to have him wanted by his daddy as well as his mother took so much weight of her shoulders. He really wanted her and their son, now all they had to do was talk it through and figure out where they were going in this. She knew he wanted to do it together, so did she, but what was the next step?

Shivering slightly Monica made her way to her bedroom and changed into something warmer. Sitting down on the bed she picked up the baby book she had begun to read. Gradually she found herself drifting into a restful sleep, thought of her child and partner filling her mind. 


	18. Chapter 18

After a long day in the office John Doggett sat at home, a bottle of beer in one hand and a photo of Luke in the other. Looking at the photo of his son he remembered all the things they had done together, the short time they had shared as father and son before Luke was cruelly taken away from John and his mother. He was determined things would be different with this baby, he was determined he would protect his childs life at all costs and give him the unconditional love he had for his older brother before he was tragically lost. Smiling at his son's memory he wondered what Luke would have been like if he had been alive today. He wondered if he had still ended up apart from Barbara and with Monica in his life, as she was now, how Luke would have reacted to the news he was going to have a little half brother or sister. One thing John was sure of was that he'd have loved Monica and that the two of them would have got on like a house on fire. Monica had something about her that people responded to and were almost enchanted by and he was sure his son would have been one of those people. He could just picture Luke getting excited over the news that he was going to be a big brother, planning all the things he was going to do with his brother or sister when the baby came along.

John sighed knowing that would never happen. Luke was gone. The pain of losing him however still remained strong and made him even more determined to do everything possible to ensure his unborn child was safe and healthy and happy, with two parents who loved each other unconditionally as well as the baby.

Picking up the phone John dialled in Monica's number, impatiently tapping his fingers on the beer bottle as it rang. The need to hear her voice amazed him, as did the need to hear she and their child were okay. He had missed her terribly and now he didn't feel afraid to admit it.

As the phone rang more and more and her machine once again greeted John he sighed. He couldn't help feeling that he had scared her earlier, by openly admitting how much he loved both her and their unborn child. He wasn't usually so open...what if it had shocked her and scared her so much that she couldn't bear to talk to him at the moment? What if she had decided to give him space? What if she was angry with him for something? All of these reasons ran through his head leaving John wondering if maybe she didn't want to talk to him after all. Sadly he waited for the machine to beep and softly spoke.

"Hey Mon.it's me again. Hope you and kiddo are okay there. I was phoning' cos I thought we need to chat but if you don't... Mon I'm sorry if I've hurt you or upset you in some way and if ya feel like you can't talk to me at the moment then that's ok. I'll let you have time an' I'll be right here. But I want you and our baby to know I love ya both, there aint nothin' gonna change that. When you're ready to talk let me know. Take care of yourself and kiddo okay? Night Mon." he finished sadly hanging up the phone.

Monica Reyes meanwhile sat in the bathroom recovering from an unexpected bout of morning sickness in the evening. Leaning back against the wall a hand on her stomach she smiled softly despite of the nausea. She was really doing this. She was really carrying a baby inside of her. She was going to be bringing another human being into the world and nothing felt more wonderful than the knowledge of the little life that was safe inside of her.

Deciding to risk leaving the bathroom to get something to drink Monica slowly got up off the floor and padded into her lounge. Noticing that the answer phone light was once again flashing she walked over and pressed play, her heart breaking as she heard Johns message and how sure he sounded that she didn't want to talk to him. As she listened to him speak and declare his love for her and their baby her heart pounded. He was so sure of his love for them that he was willing to openly admit it for one of the first times in their relationship. She was so happy he wanted to be a part of this and that he wanted her, but so sad he might think she didn't want him to be.

Sitting down on the bed she picked up the phone and dialled his number. At first she thought he wasn't going to answer but just as she was going to give up she heard the voice that made her weak at the knees on the other end of the line.

"John Doggett..." came his tired voice.

"John hi, it's me Monica."

"Mon.hey. I been tryin' to get hold of ya." He told her shyly.

"Yeah I got your messages..." she replied.

"I thought you maybe didn't want to talk to me..."

"John this morning when you called I was in the shower and just now...lets just say morning sickness isn't just limited to the morning."

"Kiddo making you sick?" He asked concerned.

"Yeah but I can live with it." She told him smiling rubbing her stomach. "...John I'm fine. We're both fine." She reassured him sensing his concern.

"That's good. I thought maybe I'd done somethin' to upset you." He admitted.

"John you didn't upset me, you confused me. I didn't understand why you pushed me away. That night was incredible and had been threatening to happen for a long, long time, we both wanted it...I guess I couldn't understand how you could push me away after something I thought was special."

"I thought it was special too Mon and I did want it. You have no idea how much or how long I've wanted it. It's just ... look at you, an' look at me. I don't wanna be the man who brings you down. You're so damn happy and so amazing' and I don't want you to lose that."

"Why would I?" She asked him.

"Mon you're always there for me unconditionally an' I'm thankful for it, but you gotta take time for you. I guess I'm kinda a dark person, you're not and I don't want to bring you down."

"John you don't." She told him sincerely.

"That's why I pushed you away. I thought it was best for you to be away from me a little. I guess I don't think I'm good enough."

"John..." she told him sighing.

"But I missed you. Even sittin there with you in the car the first day you got sick I missed you and I still miss you." He told her sadly.

"John you have to stop assuming that you're not good enough for me and that you're going to bring me down. That's my decision to make and I made it a long time ago. You think I'd be here now if I thought that you were too dark or had been through too much? I love you John. Whatever you think you're going to do to me, whatever you've gone through. I love you...and I miss you too. All I wanted when I found out I was carrying our child was to tell you, and to have me tell you it was going to be okay, and for you to hold me like you did the night he was conceived or that night in the storm..."

"Can I come over? Would that be okay?" He asked her quietly.

She smiled softly sensing how nervous he was.

"John you don't even have to ask." She told him honestly.

"Okay see you in a few." He told her.

"Drive safe daddy." She told him, sure she could hear him smile down the other end of the phone before he put it down.

As she put the receiver down her end she smiled. He had been so nervous talking to her, and if she was honest she had been talking to him too, but now here they were. He had told her earlier that day he had loved her when he left her a message, she had just told him of her love for him. It finally looked as if things may sort themselves out...that they could be a family and nothing made her happier than the knowledge of that. 


	19. Chapter 19

When he arrived at her door a little while later what could only be described as butterflies were fluttering in his stomach. Tonight was going to be the night he would tell her face to face how much he loved her and this time he wouldn't let himself chicken out or run away. She didn't deserve that and their child didn't deserve that. Since they had been working on the X-Files they had been fighting to discover the truth, now it was time to stop fighting their own. It was time to stop fighting the love they felt and embrace it. They were having a child and no matter what came up against them they would fight it together because that's what people who loved each other did. He would do anything for her and its time that she knew it.

Nervously he knocked on the door, fiddling with the bouquet of flowers he had picked up on the way. When she didn't answer immediately he almost lost his nerve, mentally scolding himself for being such a coward but instead of running he stayed until he could hear her footsteps approaching the doorway.

Even dressed in a pair of loose fitting Khakis and a vest top she totally took his breath away. Pregnancy was definitely agreeing with her he thought as he stood there looking at her in the doorway. She was totally radiant. There was a glow about her, and it was there because of their baby. That thought amazed him. He never thought it would be possible for her to be more beautiful than she already was to him, but standing there, lit up under the soft lights, her cheeks rosy and eyes shining he had never seen her looking more beautiful.

"I uh...I got you these." He told her offering the flowers nervously.

She put them to her nose and smelt the beautiful scent. She blushed.

"They're beautiful John. Thank you."

"I was gonna get you some chocolates or somethin, but I thought with the mornin' sickness..."

She smiled.

"That was probably a good idea. You coming in?" She asked him softly.

He nodded nervously standing still for a minute.

"John..." She questioned.

"Gimme a sec." he asked her taking a deep breath.

She couldn't help but smile as she saw this normally strong man standing there trying to work up the courage to do what he had came to. After a few minutes he looked up at her.

"You done?" She asked him half laughing.

He couldn't help but smile as he came in and she closed the door behind him.

"You look great." He told her. "You got that glow."

"It's probably from where I've been throwing up all afternoon." She told him, a hand over her stomach.

He smiled.

"Feelin okay now?" He asked softly walking over to her so he was standing directly in front of her.

"Yeah. The morning sickness doesn't bother me that much. It lets me know he's really here." She told John looking down at the floor.

"Mon what?" He asked her.

She looked up at him.

"We're having a baby John...in six months I'm going to give birth to a child." She told him. "I love him so much, but... I haven't done this before...I don't know what I'm doing...I'm just so scared." She admitted.

John put his fingers under her chin and tilted it so she was looking into his eyes.

"You have no reason to be scared because I'm here. I'm this baby's father and I won't let you do this alone." He told her cupping his cheek in the palm of his hand.

She closed her eyes.

"I was so worried you'd be angry. I didn't mean for this to happen John I promise you..." she told him her voice breaking.

"I know." He told her stroking her cheek. "I know you didn't...neither of us did but it did happen, it did, an' I don't think it's a bad thing. You have any idea how long I've loved you? There was somethin' about you the very first time we met that just pulled me to you. That something's still there Mon, still pullin' me to you...still makin me wanna be with you...still makin me love you so much that if I lost you I don't think I'd be able to go on. This baby... He's jus' made everythin perfect and made me realise its time to stop runnin and pushing you away like I did that night. It was the biggest mistake I made." He told her softly.

"Oh John..." She whispered stroking his cheek with her hand.

"When we were in that town we saw some bad things but bein' with you helped me through all that. Holdin' you that night during the storm it was like I felt whole for the first time in a long long time, I didn't wanna run anymore but I did and I'm so sorry...but I'm sick of running now. I can't do it anymore. When you told me about the baby you didn't give me a chance to tell you how I felt so now I'm gonna." He told her taking her hands in his own and leading her to the sofa where they both sat.

Monica took a deep breath.

"The truth is I'd already guessed about the baby. I wasn't a hundred percent sure but I kinda just knew he was there. The reason I didn't push you about it was cos I didn't want you to say anythin till you were ready. All I wanted was to protect you both since the first moment I thought pregnancy was a possibility but I didn't wanna scare you or force you to say anythin until you knew what you were gonna do cos I know it's a big decision to make."

"The biggest." Monica told him honestly.

"But the more I thought about it the happier it made me. I was never angry Monica, not for one minute. I never thought you were trying to replace Luke or trap me into anythin. It's not in you to do that or in me to think that about you. This is our baby...it's our blessing and I love the both of you. I've loved you for a long long time and this baby since I knew about him. I'm ready for this Mon.if you'll have me." He told her looking shyly down at the floor. "I can't promise you that I won't get scared sometimes but I can promise I'll love you both always. I already do." He told her looking up into her eyes, to see them full of tears.

"John don't say this if you don't mean it. You have to mean it." She told him. "I don't want you to feel tied to this baby and me. I want you to be here because you want to be here."

"I do want to be here. I've never wanted anything more than to be with you and to be a father to our child." He told her softly but truthfully.

She looked down at her hands that were resting on her lap.

"Monica what? You think I don't mean this?" He asked her quietly.

"It's not that..."

"Then what is it? You feelin' okay?" He asked her rubbing her back soothingly.

"I feel fine John. It's just you saying you were so sure about this child since you found out...I wasn't so sure." She admitted sadly getting up off the sofa wand walking to the window.

"What do you mean?" He asked her frowning, getting up and walking over to her.

He stood behind her and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Monica what did you mean by that?" He repeated.

"It didn't mean I didn't love our child then it's just..."

"Monica?" He asked again a little louder that time.

"I wasn't sure I could do it John. I wasn't sure I could be a good enough mother, or do it alone, or that I'd be able to protect our baby and...I did love him then I just..."

"What were you gonna do?" He asked her a little more harshly than he expected.

She looked outside tearfully.

"I was at the clinic before I came to tell you yesterday... But I couldn't do it...I couldn't not have our son. I love this baby more than anything and I realised that yesterday."

"You were at a clinic? You weren't going to have our child?" He asked her sternly but sadly. "Mon I can't believe I'm hearing this...from you of all people."

She turned around and her heart broke as she saw the hurt on his face. She reached out to touch him but he pulled away.

"John you have to understand how hard a choice it was. I've loved this child since I found out about him but I thought I was going to have to do this alone. I was worried that with our work on the X-Files our baby wouldn't be safe, I was worried I couldn't do it, I'm in love with our baby John and you but I was frightened. You have no idea how scared I was that I wouldn't be able to do this."

"An' what changed your mind?" He asked her.

"I walked to the nursery and I met this pregnant woman. We talked about you and about work and about the baby. Looking at all those perfect little people and seeing her there with her child moving around inside her and watching her scan...that's going on inside me too. I have a little person growing inside me who I'm going to be able to feel move and hiccup, and watch grow...who's going to be like the both of us in looks and personality...who we made John. I was frightened but I don't think I could have ever not had him. I loved him too much and I realised for sure when I spoke to her that I couldn't let fear dictate me. I'm ready to be a mother and I'm gonna do this. I promise you" she told him.

John looked at her, at the determination and the love for their child that shone in her eyes. He also saw the fear that he would reject her.

"I don't know what to say to that Mon. In the last two days I've found out I'm going to be a father and then that you considered not having our baby. I don't believe for one second you would have gone through with the termination. I can see how much you love him in your eyes, but Mon you didn't have to go through it alone. You didn't have to think abortion was the only way. I guess I'm upset cos this is our baby and you didn't come to me...you bottled it up and were ready to do something you didn't want to. He's our son Mon, I don't understand that's all."

"All I can say John is I'm so sorry. I don't know what else to say." She told him softly.

John studied her as she stood there in front of him, a single tear falling down her cheek, sad at the thought she'd hurt him. He couldn't stand still anymore; instead he started to pace around, Monica sitting down on the sofa behind him and resting her chin on her arm, watching him quietly.

Suddenly he stopped as he saw something on her counter. Walking over to it he found himself looking at the smallest clothes he'd ever seen, a little jacket covered with teddy bears, with matching mittens, and a hat with cute little teddy ears and a smiling face on it. He lifted the tiny outfit up, bringing it close to his heart and smiled.

"After I told you yesterday I went to the mall to clear my head and I saw it in a window. I couldn't help but buy it. It was too cute." Monica explained walking up to him so she was standing behind him.

When he saw that perfectly tiny outfit, John knew with out any more doubts that Monica would never have gotten rid of the baby. She just wasn't that kind of person. How he could have doubted that, he didn't know now. He turned around to face her.

"It is cute. It's perfect for our son. I love you Monica, and I love this too." he told her putting a hand on her stomach smiling. "I want you to know that. All that matters is now and that you know how I feel about you and our little boy. I'm glad you followed your heart Mon, I think two hearts would have broken if you'd have gone ahead with..."

She covered his hand with her own.

"I think you're right." She agreed. "I love my two boys too." She told him softly as he took her into his arms and held her protectively.

Monica sighed happily. Ever since she had found out about her pregnancy all she had wanted was for him to hold her and tell her it would be okay and that he would support her. Now here she was in his arms, with the man she had loved for as long as she could remember who was ready to commit to her and to their unborn child. Suddenly he pulled away.

"Wait a sec. You're two boys? Are we havin' twins?" He asked his eyes wide.

Monica couldn't help but giggle at the way he said it and the look on his face.

"No John I meant you and junior here." She told him smiling.

"Ah." He replied taking her back in his arms. "You tryin' to give me a heart attack?" He whispered burying his head in her hair happily and taking in her scent thinking how genuinely lucky he was to have been blessed with this woman and their child.

"Would it be so bad if we did have twins?" Monica asked softly, wondering what he'd do when the pregnancy progressed if he found out they were having more than one child.

John put his hands on her shoulders and looked deep into her eyes.

"Whether we have one baby, or two, or even four, I'd love every single one of them. And I'd never stop loving you." He told her honestly.

Monica smiled and tenderly rested her forehead against Johns, looking down at his hands that were now on her stomach.

"John since you came in you've known this child was a boy. How?" Monica asked curiously looking up at him.

"You've been saying it's a boy too Mon, how do you know?" He asked her.

"John you'll think I'm nuts." She told him softly.

"I don't think you're nuts. Mon tell me." He asked her again curiously.

"When we were in the car the day you hit your head and I was asleep...I kinda...I just sensed the baby was there. I saw him... That's when I knew I was pregnant. Weird huh." Monica commented.

John kissed her on the forehead.

"I saw him too. After I hit my head, when I was in hospital. I saw him, and I saw you, and I knew. He's gonna have my eyes." John told her stroking her face.

"I know." She whispered. "They're beautiful eyes. "

"Thanks." He told her sincerely.

"You do realise you just admitted that something unexplainable happened to you John?" Monica teased.

John smiled and kissed her nose.

"When you meet your soul mate I guess you're connected in some weird an' mysterious way. For you and me things like this aren't that unexplainable. I just knew. You must be rubbing off on me." He teased.

"You think I'm your soul mate?" Monica whispered.

John wrapped his arms around her and held her close.

"Yeah I do. I been waitin' for you my whole life Mon, and now I have you and our son. There isn't a doubt in my mind that I wasn't meant to find you."

"John Doggett being all romantic. I could get used to this."

"You will." He told her grinning and rubbing her back tenderly.

Monica's stomach rumbled.

"What was that?" John asked smiling, his partner blushing. "I think juniors hungry." He then told her.

Monica nodded.

"Why don't you go put your feet up and I'll fix something up for you. You are eating properly right?" He asked

She took his hands in her own.

"I'm eating fine." She reassured him.

He nodded then led her over to the couch and sat her down. Then as she put her feet up he began fixing up her dinner. Monica watched him as he worked, John occasionally glancing up at her and smiling, his eyes shining happily.

"What?" She asked frowning, a smile on her face as he looked at her for what seemed like the hundredth time.

He shook his head.

"Nothing." He replied smiling, looking back down and carrying on with what he was doing.

"No really, what?" She asked again, propping her chin up on her elbow, her free hand resting on her abdomen.

He looked up, sighed, and then walked over to her sitting down next to her on the sofa. Gently he rested a hand on top of hers on her still flat stomach, rubbing his thumb softly over the back of it.

"All this...I'm just having' a hard time believing it's actually finally happenin. We've been runnin' for such a long time Mon and I'm just...I'm glad we've stopped, ya know? You and this baby are everythin to me and I'm gonna do my best for you both. I'm not gonna run anymore. I don't want to. I got everything I ever wanted right here, right now."

"I know." She replied stroking his cheek softly. "Me too." She admitted.

"I know I shoulda said this a lot sooner, but I do love you Monica. I..."

"Shh I know." She replied putting a finger over his lips.

For a minute they sat looking intensely at each other, their hearts pounding. John cupped Monica's face in his hands and slowly leaned in, his lips touching hers in a gentle kiss.

"I shoulda done that a long time ago." He whispered in her ear leaning in to kiss her again, a hand resting on her stomach.

As they reluctantly parted Monica smiled.

"It was worth waiting for." She replied looking down at where his hand rested and stroking his cheek softly.

He smiled.

"Glad you think so." He replied as she leaned in and kissed him again.

Monica's stomach rumbled.

"I think junior here wants his food now." She told her partner and lover laughing.

"I think so too." John replied happily, stroking her soft cheek before making his way into the kitchen and finishing her food.

Half an hour later when both of them had eaten, the pair sat on the sofa, Monica's head resting against John's chest, his arms wrapped around her holding her close. Gently he kissed the top of her head. Sitting there like that he felt so comfortable, and it felt so natural to him to have her in his arms. He hoped with all his heart they would have many moments like this in the future. To him a future without her in it was a bleak one.

Monica looked up at him and smiled.

"You okay?" He asked her kissing her forehead.

"Uh huh." She replied happily. "This is nice." She told him leaning her head against his chest, the rhythmic sound of his heart beating soothing her.

"Yeah it is. It's perfect." He told her softly.

"You okay?" She then asked him looking up into his shining blue eyes.

He smiled widely.

"I'm sittin' here with you and you're carryin' our baby. How could I not be okay." He replied sincerely.

Monica smiled. He was right, this was perfect and it felt so right.

"So where do we go now?" She asked him softly, afraid deep down that he would say something that would hurt her all over again.

John looked at her thoughtfully and kissed her on the forehead, stroking a strand of hair out of her eyes so he could look right into them. It was important he said this in such a way she knew he meant it.

"We go where we shoulda gone a long time ago." He told her.

"And where's that?" She asked with a soft yawn.

"Bed." He told her stroking her cheek and smiling sheepishly.

She giggled and elbowed him in the ribs.

"Ow." He replied playfully putting his hands up in mock surrender.

"Be serious." She told him resting her head back on his chest.

"Okay bein' serious." He replied looking right at her. "For a long time I felt alone in my life Mon mostly since Luke died an' then you came along. You gave me hope. There was somethin about you which is still there which draws me to you. When you first came back I ran away from any feeling's I had ...they were there an' they scared me, but I don't wanna run anymore. I wanna be with you. I want there to be an us and I want us to raise this baby together. We shoulda been a couple a long time ago Monica and I...I guess I wanna make up for lost time...if you'll have me." He told her softly.

Monica yawned.

"My speech bore you?" He asked smiling.

"Pregnancy kinda tires you out more." She told him.

He nodded remembering how Barbara had been with Luke.

"So what do you say?" He asked her so softly that she could sense the fear of rejection in his voice.

Monica looked up at him and ran her fingers down the side of his face.

"I love you." She told him kissing him, John knowing in those three words and that kiss she had told him they would be together for what they hoped were the rest of their lives.

"And I love you." He told her sincerely. "And you too kiddo." He added to their baby leaning down and kissing her stomach.

She ruffled his hair then stifled another yawn.

"Now its time for bed. I think mommy needs a rest." He told her softly.

She smiled.

"I think maybe you're right." She told him getting up tiredly.

John got up too. He gently took his partner into his arms and carrying her into the bedroom and carefully placed her on the bed where she almost immediately closed her eyes. Tenderly he pulled the duvet up over her, kissing her forehead before making his way to the door.

"You don't have to go..." she told him softly. "You could just hold me." She added looking at him with sleepy eyes.

He looked at the figure on the bed belonging to the woman who meant most to him and who was now carrying his child. She looked scared, like she needed him and he couldn't leave her. He didn't want to. There was nothing he wanted more in the world than to hold her in his arms knowing she wanted only him. Knowing that she loved him and their child unconditionally and that he felt the same for them both too.

John walked over to the bed and pulled the covers back. He took off his sweatshirt to reveal a chest hugging t-shirt underneath. He smiled as he saw Monica grin tiredly.

"Looking good." She commented sweetly.

"Yeah? Well I try." He replied pulling off his shoes and then climbing into the bed and pulling the duvet around them.

"Warm enough?" He asked her softly.

"Uh huh." She replied.

John moved so he was spooning against her, his arms wrapped around her and his hands resting on her abdomen. Resting his chin on her shoulder he kissed her cheek.

"This okay?" He asked her quietly.

Monica put her hands on top of his own.

"Perfect." She replied as the rhythmic sound of his heartbeat lulled her into a restful sleep, John unable to believe that such a hard few weeks had brought a happy ending for him and a partner he had loved for as long as he could remember. 


End file.
